tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19497399580052118432024-03-13T21:38:36.470-05:00~♥~VisibleAngels~♥~Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.comBlogger284125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-16287017475264016662022-10-07T15:21:00.003-05:002022-10-07T15:21:31.456-05:00and the Grief keeps on coming<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgdiMlBeZWaLtsoGfUu2_5YK__0mJjY-m71Ax-snDdBXI7MUoQMKVkqK4V13Fyy1M8TTyKHHCHErkghtey-00wV0Crq4guaG6Qw-aMEmzn7n143CoBwIsGm2rXAxFsVnTwud6h35KESBENCrIOVluxNwiYrYpxeGVIruRGO8LO0qNYgf5t4Z3HyDuVww/s360/dad.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="240" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgdiMlBeZWaLtsoGfUu2_5YK__0mJjY-m71Ax-snDdBXI7MUoQMKVkqK4V13Fyy1M8TTyKHHCHErkghtey-00wV0Crq4guaG6Qw-aMEmzn7n143CoBwIsGm2rXAxFsVnTwud6h35KESBENCrIOVluxNwiYrYpxeGVIruRGO8LO0qNYgf5t4Z3HyDuVww/s320/dad.jpeg" width="213" /></a></div>On August 17, 2021, I received a call at about 10:30 am, from the care home that daddy's health was declining rapidly. They suggested to bring in palliative care to sit with him as there was not much else that could be done for him.<p></p><p> We called our kids and our oldest, Joshua, lives about a 1/2 hour away and he went in right away to the care home to say goodbye to dad and to FaceTime with us so I could talk to daddy too. </p><p>It was hard...</p><p>Harder than I ever imagined...</p><p>but I told him it was ok for him to go and be with Jesus, that I knew he was tired...</p><p>we said goodbye and then we made sure that Josh left as well so that the palliative care nurse could come in to sit. </p><p>Just a few minutes past midnight on August 18, daddy went home to be with Jesus. </p><p>He is now free of his mortal shell and all the pain that he experienced here on earth. He is able to walk and talk. He got to be the first one of our family to meet and hold our daughters baby, Theo, who also went to meet Jesus on August 8... 10 days before daddy got there.</p><p>My heart is broken at my daddy's passing but I also know that he will be there to greet me when I go home.</p><p>R.I.P. Daddy, I love you and you are so missed.</p>Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-26289383908818055942020-10-06T16:20:00.001-05:002020-10-06T16:20:17.502-05:00The best place to end ...<p> It has been an emotional rollercoaster the last 12 years and this I believe will be one of my, if not THE, last post here about Sammi! Thank you so much for all the love, prayers, shoulders to cry on and just listening to my rants and raves for 12 (good grief TWELVE!!) years. it just hit me that our Sammi was 12 when this happened and he is now 24, so I have been writing about our journey with brain injury for half of our sons life. what a perfect way to come full circle and end this part of his story here! </p><p>Our Sam was in the <a href="http://www.teenchallenge.mb.ca" target="_blank">Adult and Teen Challenge </a> (ATC) Program for a year, where he worked hard to overcome his addictions and build a new relationship with our Lord! It was a hard fought year at times and it was never boring! We not only got to see our son grow and flourish, we grew our own hearts as we met and added many more to our family! we got to know and become family to so many of the students in the program (both the mens centre and the women's in Brandon). We made wonderful friends with some of the staff at ATC. </p><p>As Sam got closer to finishing the program he had many moments of reflection and 'this is how its going to go' moments ... BUT GOD... and when God steps in to clear your thoughts, step back! </p><p>Sam lived with us for a while once he got out of the program (he finished in April), he found an amazing job in Crystal City - welding even! And looked for a place there and eventually found one nearby his job! He works for a godly company that isn't scared to say it or show it! And we all couldn't be happier about it! Shortly after Sam started he wound up with 6 weeks off after a double hernia surgery - and since Dennis and I were moved into our motorhome already we moved to Crystal City (where Sam was living in his brothers camper trailer) to help him during his recovery. </p><p>During his time with this company, Samuel made the decision to follow Jesus and be baptized, so here is where I will leave the blog - beginning with what we called Samuels second birthday, since we got to se him relearn how to do everything all over again to his new BIRTHday and new life with Christ! His baptism, where all he needs to learn and do now is to trust, obey and follow His Saviour! </p><p>Thank You Abba for being a Father who cares about ALL the things in our lives; the big, the small, the pretty, the ugly, the ups and downs... ALL of the things! Thank You Papa for being faithful to follow this tragedy to rejoicing, to go from despair to joy, from broken to healed ...Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. I know there are still miles to go but he is now going those miles with You. I pray he will continue on this road with You, Jesus, and as he shares his story, I pray that it is ONLY YOU that people see in his miracles! And that they rejoice.</p><p>Thank You Father. For it all, because I had to lean and rely on You as well and I know I could have done a better job at that and so many other things, but without You it would have been an even wilder ride I am sure. Its all because of You. Al this I pray and rejoice and praise in YOUR name! Amen</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KdPCU0cVEpc" width="320" youtube-src-id="KdPCU0cVEpc"></iframe> Sammi's testimony! </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qGwk5tA7aMQ" width="320" youtube-src-id="qGwk5tA7aMQ"></iframe> Sammi's baptism!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I will continue post as I will about my daddy. He is still in the care home and our visits are few and far between right now due to covid and changing rules it seems all the time! My concern with him is what he actually retains mentally. Does he realize I am not there as much? As Dennis and I prepare to for our 6 months in Mexico with YWAM will he notice I am not there? He is getting more and more quiet when we see him, he aspirates more and more too it seems (which is "normal" for him). </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">If you are interested in following Dennis and I on our God adventure to Mazatlan Mexico with YWAM (Youth with a Mission) you can check out our new blog/website at <b><a href="https://www.godthegintersandyou.com/" target="_blank">God, the Ginters and You </a> </b>and you can subscribe to updates there too! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Thank you for being a part of this great journey of Brain Injury with me, Sam, my Daddy and the rest of our family! We truly did and do appreciate it all! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Until next time...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7QOdH_aagMw/X3zfQi7fEvI/AAAAAAAADYM/uloxb5vzhJQoKmP3BD-LxowKZY0N4p5CgCNcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Thank-You-Photo-11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1448" data-original-width="2048" height="343" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7QOdH_aagMw/X3zfQi7fEvI/AAAAAAAADYM/uloxb5vzhJQoKmP3BD-LxowKZY0N4p5CgCNcBGAsYHQ/w546-h343/Thank-You-Photo-11.jpg" width="546" /></a></div><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-31699812794755465202019-10-23T16:09:00.003-05:002019-10-23T16:09:46.026-05:00all in His time...... there is something you would think that maybe I had a handle on by now! Trusting in His plan and His time. I mean, really... but here I sit and worry and stress and worry again (just for good measure maybe?!)<br />
Sam has been in the Adult & Teen Challenge Program for over 6 months!! (6 months and 13days to be exact!) HALLELUJAH!! He has had struggles with things and he has come through from tough stuff but yesterday we received a text with some answers to prayers that I had been struggling with myself. I am not going to go into details but I cried when I read the text then sat on a rock (we were processing calves and I was in the corrals) and thanked my Heavenly Father...<br />
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The One True King! <br />
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The Great Physician!<br />
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The Great I Am!<br />
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The Alpha & Omega!<br />
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He who knew me before I was even born, before the stars were set in place...<br />
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The One who I talk to a crazy amount of time each day.<br />
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And I cried... for my unbelief (in His timing), for my feeling like He wasn't hearing my cries, my prayers, my aching heart...<br />
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And yet He did and it was all in His time.<br />
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He knew that Sam had to get to a certain place before things were revealed to him. He knew that Sam needed to be crying out for Him...<br />
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As I sit at my desk everyday I see a quote from Alexander McLaren that reads:<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">God's help comes not too soon, lest we should not know that blessedness of trusting in the dark; and not too late, lest we should know the misery of trusting in vain.</span><br />
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and every day I would pray and worry about issues that I needn't have worried about - I have been humbled by answered prayers! Because prayers<i> are</i> being answered, the eyes of the heart <i>are</i> being opened and the Lord <i>is</i> being praised!! <i>All in His time</i>. I need to remind myself of this daily and<b> trust</b>, in the dark and in the sunshine!<br />
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I have been smiling and rereading the text in my head and I can't stop praising!!! God is good - all the time! And all the time - God is good!<br />
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<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-82194201122913634962019-04-20T21:50:00.002-05:002019-04-20T21:50:30.035-05:00but God...<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">I have wrote some very hard to write posts on here, (besides the obvious of the BI) there have been seizures, Child and Adolescent Treatment Centre, moving out, trips to the ER, calls to the RCMP, abuse from others, drug abuse, alcohol abuse… my list here is so long!</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">BUT I have had a few posts of celebration: seizure free days/week/years, new jobs, new meds, wonderful doctors, new friends, old friends… that is list just as long…</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">But… BUT… this post is so amazing, so wonderful, such a beautiful God story that I am struggling to write it as I don’t want to miss anything!</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">It seems to have started in March (8-9 to be precise) when Dennis, Isaac, Sam and a few guys from church when to a Promise Keeper’s seminar in Winnipeg. And our Sammi stood up and laid all his worries, stresses and life at the feet of Jesus!! (My heart still yells Hallelujah AMEN! When I think of this!!) Then a few weeks later, some major life stresses came down and Sam hit rock bottom …</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">…he put down his shovel and started the first step of a new journey that will start out to be a year long but last a lifetime!!</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">He voluntarily entered the Adult & Teen Challenge. You can learn about the program <a href="http://www.teenchallenge.mb.ca/"><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>HERE</b></span></span></a>.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">He started a ball rolling for his future that was so inspiring and so God directed that it just leaves us amazed and shaking our heads - not in disbelief but in love and wonder!</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">I will try to share as much of this fantastic God story as I can remember:</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">Even after rededicating his life to Jesus and trying to connect with church and God; he was still walking in the life of addiction and not the best of outside influences... which brought us to Sam having a bad night with some pretty major happenings, which resulted in a bad anxiety attack: crying, throwing up, shaking... and him being so fed up with these attacks and all that went with them -- so how this all played out:</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">We received a phone call around midnight and we had to go and pick him up in Neepawa as he was stranded for a couple of reasons. He asked to speak to our pastor -- so I had to call and wake him and give our pastor as much of the story as I knew. Sam was still talking to him when we got to town. on the way home, Sam explained a few things of what had happened ... which lead to him being sick... sick and tired... </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">When we got home, Sam talked more to us about things and when we asked if he was wanting help via Adult and Teen Challenge (TC), he said "yes". </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">PRAISE GOD!!</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">HE IS FAITHFUL!!</span></div>
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Our prayers were answered and our son slowly came back to us that night! </div>
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The next day, we called TC and we knew there could be up to a year long wait list. We were told (Sam and Dennis and I) to read the TC handbook for men and then fill out the application, get all the paper work in order (medical and criminal record check) and do whatever is needed to be done to be ready... just in case he was able to get in. </div>
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It was an amazing week! Normally it is pretty hard to get into the doctor but when we told them what it was for, he got in right away for his physical. All the paper work for his criminal records check was done pretty quick. Sam called and told him work what he was doing and way and they were so wonderfully supportive! </div>
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Then TC called and the admissions officer said that due to Sam's brain injury that it might be best if they met him in person, THEN!!! </div>
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THEN... he called again and said that a phone interview would be fine because he had a good GOD FEELING about our Sammi! After the interview, Sam and I went shopping, so we were ready when we got a time sorted for Sam to enter the program - this was Friday (5 days after his anxiety and admission of needing help.) While in Brandon, we went to the TC Super Thrift store for clothes and we spoke to one of the wonderful ladies working there (who also happens to be finishing the year long program) and she told Sam to stay strong and not give up on the program. I think her words and her demeanor helped to calm Sam's nerves. He was much more relaxed and calm when we left the store. (Praise God!) </div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U168uCeOaaA/XLvUIAPqiYI/AAAAAAAADJs/t4JdTplgyNIuEG249pgCnXSPLEcin2acQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0547.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U168uCeOaaA/XLvUIAPqiYI/AAAAAAAADJs/t4JdTplgyNIuEG249pgCnXSPLEcin2acQCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_0547.HEIC" width="240" /></a>After another phone call, TC said that they would like to see him in the program the early next week, so Sam said Tuesday so we could finish a few paper work things (and I was in Winnipeg with Hannah and a separate appt and needed to get home with the car!) I got back to town in time to help with the local running and paper work needing to be done and that night he packed his stuff up and got himself ready for the Tuesday.</div>
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There were so many awesome people who stepped up and into our lives -- not just Sammi's that week - those wonderful beautiful Visible Angels! There was so much support for Sam and his decision to make a huge step, one that was all faith, ALL GOD! It was amazing and continues to be as our new normal unfolds and we not only look forward to all that is going to happen BUT when we look back and see where God was in it all.... simply amazing!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px;">our Sammi saying "See you soon"<br /> to our immediate family snapchat group <3 br=""></3></td></tr>
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With all this said, leaving our boy, my baby, at the TC centre and walking back to our car and driving out of the city was one of the hardest things I think we have ever done. Please don't get me wrong, we KNOW he is in an amazing place of recovery in ALL aspects for his life - mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, but to leave and know that we can't see him for two weeks, then it starts with a phone call.... then visits ... all limited... </div>
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...so very hard.</div>
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...unimaginable</div>
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...heartbreakingly</div>
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Not having a lot of info about what and how this will all work over the next year and having to have a quick bandaid style goodbye...<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Then satan wanting to work (and working hard!) in my head and myself being so incredibly tired - mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually... </span></div>
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After a talk with our pastor and some dear friends, I am working to work on my own healing journey as well. I have been looking after and then once he moved out - worrying so much about Sam, that I lost me and my well being (but then again if you have been reading this mess of a blog for any amount of time, this is no surprise! lol) I am trying to take sabbaticals whenever it is possible. I shut out life for a bit and try to just sleep, rest and do what is needed to regain my health. I was told by a wise man (our pastor) that I need to get ready for the future issues that can and will arise... and I know this is true since very time we have had a new normal there is always something that jumps up to surprise us. We know there will be challenges and we have been faced with a few already but we know that with God as the author of this story we have no reason to worry. He holds it all in His hands, and we will follow where ever He leads! </div>
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As a family we have a lot to learn about the program that Sam is in and I believe we all are ready for it. And I know <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">we are excited to see where God is going to take our Sam. He already had such an amazing story to share... it will only get better here on in!</span></div>
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There is so much more that I could write and say, but i'll leave it here for now.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; text-align: center;">Sam's home for the next year</td></tr>
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Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-78999110855446498072019-03-27T10:06:00.001-05:002019-03-27T10:06:35.458-05:00last week ...<br />
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">last week daddy had been sick. I ad gotten a phone call from the care home saying he had a very high fever and they assumed he had aspirated which was the cause it not only the fever but the raspy, rattling chest noise. Each time he gets sick I am preparing myself for the end of this journey that we have been on with him for the last 24 years. I pray that his pain and discomfort are slight and that if it be ...it is quick, for all involved (dad, the care home aides that work with him and us... me). It is an exhausting time when he is sick, because I feel such pressure being the only one to do anything with him. I don't call any family.. they all live far away and only one (my aunt - daddy youngest sister) that keeps in contact with me. so it sits with me. I wrote this last week while sitting ... once again, with daddy. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">He is better now (or at least he has had no fever) and the next few days again will tell if he is actually "better better" or if there will be another round of meds, if the chest has cleared... until the next time he aspirates or an illness goes through the care home.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-29opznAVx4c/XJuMrzL1dGI/AAAAAAAADJA/XEQPD2XDO0kkj4M4r4q4fVn_YDqwI7A8gCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0383.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-29opznAVx4c/XJuMrzL1dGI/AAAAAAAADJA/XEQPD2XDO0kkj4M4r4q4fVn_YDqwI7A8gCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_0383.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">Once again I am sitting here listening to your breathing, so rough and ragged… your bed humming from the weight of you on the mattress, a Frank Sinatra movie on the tv and the day to day noises of the care home. Your spirits are a bit higher than they have been other times but you are still sick.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Yesterday afternoon I had a call from the care home that you were not well. You had a high temperature and your breathing was raspy. They think you possibly aspirated so there was a call to the doctor and medications ordered as well as the nebulizer. So we wait to see what the meds will do. And this morning when I got here to hear your fever was down and you ate a bit at breakfast, so we sat, I read the bible to you, I prayed for you and I sat and we watched an old Dean Stockwell movie and you look so frail and tired.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Now it is afternoon and you are back to bed (you look exhausted). I tried to get you to sing a bit (something that you love to do) and you didn’t want to. You said you wanted to sleep for a while. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">So here I sit…</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">listening… </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">praying...</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">remembering...</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Reminiscing in my head. Thinking of all the times we were riding in the semi’s, eating at McDonald’s (and me ordering those extra thick chocolate milkshakes that you hated to hear me try to suck up!), the songs we would sing, the driving lessons, the shopping mall adventures, the laughing over the burnt pudding and fish cakes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">My memories are all so vivd, and yet the one thing I cannot remember for the life of me is your voice. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">I cant hear your laughter and calling me “jo”… I wish I could. I would love to hear you roll over and say to me right now “Jo, lets sing some Merle Haggard.” Or “lets go for a drive and see what we can find.” I can't hear you and haven't been able to for years and I miss that. I can't wait until we are in heaven and we can talk... two sided conversations! </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">I love you, daddy... </span></div>
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Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0Manitoba, Canada53.7608608 -98.81387619999998234.594517800000006 -140.12247019999998 72.9272038 -57.505282199999982tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-46761633447372165622018-12-19T13:54:00.004-06:002020-10-08T06:07:54.006-05:00still a work in progress (as always)this week (well more the last few weeks) have been ones of working towards my own healing.<br />
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December will be upon us tomorrow and I am still after 22years a mess this time of year. Crying at stupid Christmas songs, weepy when I think of setting up the tree, basically non-energetic about anything Christmas-y.<br />
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BUT...<br />
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I have started a new wellness regime that will hopefully be something that will get my hormones straight, get my ass moving more and most of all work out the issues in my head.<br />
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My bi-polar has been the worse it ever has been in the past 18-24 months. Yes, bi-polar... what an ugly word, makes me think of all sorts of negativity (but then again is there much positive about it??) I have discovered that now that I am in (yet another) new phase of my life... empty nesting... that our life with kids was a huge buffer for me. When those lovely voices started speaking in my head, I could keep them at bay and silenced with the noise of babies, kids and teenagers. Now that they are gone from the home, I find that I have them not even having to yell these days - their whispering is loud and clear ... and scary.<br />
I am not writing this to freak anyone out but to clear my thoughts and put them down and sort them out!<br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">I wrote the above a few weeks ago and walked away... now I am back to try this again... please bear with me...</span><br />
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I have enlisted some very dear sisters to pray for me and these new supplements and so far have noticed some small changes. I am sleeping better, I am not so weepy<i> all</i> the time, I find I am able to focus a bit better on the positive things. So almost a month in and I am going to remain on it for a while more.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was a hard day though. We had a care meeting at the PCH for my dad. There are some new changed to final care in our health region and we (more like I) had ate look at it and make changes to his directives. Daddy has always been on DNR -- right from the beginning, and it has remained so for 24years , but there was a small change that was made yesterday. Not necessarily the best time for me to make this decision with it being a hard time of year as it is....<br />
Also I had met with some of the staff and daddy's doctor about changing his food from puree to mince. So he can be engaged with his eating and possibly less aspiration. Yesterday we tried to find a happy medium with the speech pathologist, the dietician, the doctor and a few others on the care team.<br />
It was a hard meeting for me in a few ways, first, I had to explain my reasons (which makes sense) for wanting them to make these changes and secondly I had to do it without having a stupid melt down... which I failed at... miserably. I felt like an idiot... I felt a full on, true failure at looking after my dad. I felt like I had dropped balls on so many things and most of them weren’t even ones I knew I was supposed to juggle, that issues that I assumed was being cared for were not and how dare I not know it.<br />
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ps-N7mUspNg/XBpDj7YK6qI/AAAAAAAADDk/M3Aoo1DFBfkmk58hvhhr9pJ0SVdCIrW5QCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_8669.HEIC" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ps-N7mUspNg/XBpDj7YK6qI/AAAAAAAADDk/M3Aoo1DFBfkmk58hvhhr9pJ0SVdCIrW5QCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_8669.HEIC" width="320" /></a>I felt like some of the team was looking at me like I was heartless because I was asking for them to look at his quality of life and not just as a body in a chair that had to eat to stay alive - this is not something I say lightly because in 24 years I have had many, many things said to me out how and why I care for my dad. I have actually had people tell me that I was selfish, heartless or ignorant to have him on DNR, to sometimes wish he had have let go,after the beating so that he would have left and not had to,suffer as he does daily... and so that my memories of him could have been of who he was before my world crashed in on me and have the memories I now have...<br />
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I tried to explain that I know daddy would rather be eating food that even slightly resembles food not mush. But the one care worker, kept coming back to how he could choke and aspirate and it would be so traumatic for dad -- which I get but I want his days to be ones that if he is able to comprehend things that he <i>knows</i> he is being treated and respected as the awesome man he was, only I knew as we all sat around that table.<br />
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Wwqvik32DYk/XBpDwfSJihI/AAAAAAAADDo/o33HAD9EEFEjKTHCMGHTZb94vhyfhzdEgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_8667.HEIC" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Wwqvik32DYk/XBpDwfSJihI/AAAAAAAADDo/o33HAD9EEFEjKTHCMGHTZb94vhyfhzdEgCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_8667.HEIC" width="320" /></a>I am so thankful that Dennis was with me because he was able to ask what I was not able too because I was so damn emotional. He asked if there was anything.... ANYTHING ... we can do that can give him a better quality of eating? I think it was then that the one realized that I was not asking for full time meal changes... just something to give him something to look forward too. It was decided that the home will give him his lunch as mince and his other meals as puree, so that he will always have the chance to eat a full supper if he gets too tired to chew the mince (until he can try to build up the muscles in his jaw)<br />
But it kept being explained how it will look if he starts to choke and what that could entail long term... I wanted to honestly just say YES! I get it!! But lets stop always focusing on "what could' happen and look at what dad may possibly gain from this change!<br />
I was very thankful as well with the social worker who was working hard advocating for daddy and his doctor - who kept saying that he totally gets us looking at his total life quality.<br />
I refrained for saying a lot of negative things (yay me), but it is also so hard with on my mental health to not be able to say what I need to say.<br />
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Which brings me back to my circle of sisters that are praying for me. I have tried so hard to be honest and open about my feelings with people but there are just somethings that I still struggle to answer and to ask for prayer for without a full explanation (and possible meltdown)... I am still a work in progress and I am seriously trying to fully rely on God and His promises of mercy, grace and love. I do know that without my prayer sisters and my church family (even though most of them know NOTHING about any of this!)I can't even imagine where I would be. God is good, all the time...<br />
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A question that Dennis asked me yesterday was one that I thought I had the answer to, but realize it don't: what is God waiting me to learn from caring for my daddy and going through all that we have gone through and are continually seeming to go through. So if anyone could give me a heads up on this answer (is it possible for God to give someone an answer to someone else question or lesson?)<br />
<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-67136376967087698792018-07-28T21:19:00.004-05:002020-10-08T06:07:39.652-05:00this is where the healing begins...<br />
for the last 22 years I have dreaded the coming week.<br />
<br />
it is the week before my daddy's accident...<br />
<br />
then in 2008 at the beginning of this week was Sammi's accident and then the real dread kicks in.<br />
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the guilt...<br />
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the shame...<br />
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the anxiety...<br />
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when they say that a brain injury affects the entire family it is so true.<br />
<br />
My dad being beaten up affected him, me, my aunts and uncle, my grandad, my kids...<br />
Sam's accident affected Sammi, me, Dennis, Joshua, Isaac and Hannah, Dennis' parents...<br />
<br />
While both were totally different types and outcomes for brain injuries, they both affected me so strongly and I can't think of too many days that have gone by where I haven't thought of either of them and what could have been.<br />
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As the last week of July comes around, the what ifs and the if only's are so loud in my head, and this year is no different than the last 22 and 10...<br />
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What if when Dad and I had spoken differently that last Saturday morning?<br />
What if I had told him more to follow his heart and be honest to himself and to me?<br />
What if when I got to the hospital I had said my goodbyes and let him go sooner?<br />
What if I had fought harder and had him come to Manitoba so I could have gotten him different care?<br />
<br />
Maybe he would have had a different outcome if I had have done this instead of that.<br />
Maybe he would at least speak if I had fought harder for different medical help.<br />
Maybe he would remember me if I had be there more when it had happened.<br />
Maybe if we hadn't argued that last Saturday, he would remember me.<br />
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With Sam's accident it is:<br />
<br />
What if I had told them to come home instead of another week at the farm?<br />
What if I had fought harder with the medical system to get him the proper help when it came to his mental health?<br />
<br />
Then these thoughts start:<br />
If I had had them come home when they were supposed to:<br />
- Joshua wouldn't have dealt with (and I think still does) the guilt of suggesting going target practicing that day.<br />
- Isaac wouldn't have had so much anger towards me about the time I had to spend taking Samuel to appointments.<br />
- Hannah wouldn't be so worried about everyone and trying to be the momma.<br />
- Samuel wouldn't have gotten into marijuana for pain and I am sure escape.<br />
- Samuel would have graduated with his friends, he would have been able to have a normal teenage life, he wouldn't have had the year of seizure drugs that messed with his head and his body.<br />
- Isaac wouldn't have dealt with a lot of Sam's aggression.<br />
- Each of our kids wouldn't have felt like I was abandoning each of them.<br />
- Josh and Samuel would still be best friends.<br />
- The kids wouldn't have all felt the need to look after and worry about Samuel<br />
- Sam wouldn't feel like we treat him like a child.<br />
- Our Sam wouldn't feel like we are trying to control him when we are just wanting to help.<br />
<br />
I have never told anyone until the other day (when I asked for prayer from a few friends at church for this) what I deal with each year at this time - but to be honest I didn't go into great detail with them either yet -- sometimes I am too scared to share my thoughts with other incase they think I am crazy... lol .. go figure why eh?!)<br />
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Tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of Sammi's "2nd birthday". I have had these weird things going on in my chest the last 4 days -- feels like a baby kicking in the middle of my chest. I cry at stupid things - songs, commercials, tv shows... nightmares... erratic eating... headaches...<br />
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So, this is where the healing to begins...<br />
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This is where fear and I are parting ways and as Francesca Battistelli sings the "Break Up Song":<br />
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Then a friend sent me this verse yesterday and I had just read the verse this week {and Hannah always says, "If God feels you twice you had better listen!" and I agree}:<br />
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<span class="text Eph-3-14-Eph-3-19" id="en-MSG-12438" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">14-19 </span>My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.</span></div>
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And then I saw this on Twitter:<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eTDDVKrRDHo/W10ZvYwoN7I/AAAAAAAAC7Q/xxVqkkB_hakNuMN_9UqA25k_jVRCmQiewCLcBGAs/s1600/jesus-pilot-me.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="329" data-original-width="279" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eTDDVKrRDHo/W10ZvYwoN7I/AAAAAAAAC7Q/xxVqkkB_hakNuMN_9UqA25k_jVRCmQiewCLcBGAs/s200/jesus-pilot-me.jpg" width="169" /></a>So I am listening God...<br />
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Starting now, I will look to all the blessings that we have encountered because of this journey; the friendships, the education, all the strangers to help, knowledge that I had that prepared me to help Sam when I could, to help Dennis when I could, to recognize the injuries and have understand and knowledge of them as each of our three other kids had concussions and we dealt with them.<br />
There is so much for me to focus on and I pray that God will help to gently remind me to do just that... focus on Him, keep my eyes upward not backward.<br />
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Moylz3vz9Tc/W10cz53o2wI/AAAAAAAAC70/lMUTfaktTek5iLNLRtV9eKt5e3LigMqmwCLcBGAs/s1600/mary-magdalene-clings-to-jesus.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="764" data-original-width="1024" height="238" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Moylz3vz9Tc/W10cz53o2wI/AAAAAAAAC70/lMUTfaktTek5iLNLRtV9eKt5e3LigMqmwCLcBGAs/s320/mary-magdalene-clings-to-jesus.jpg" width="320" /></a>I pray He will give me strength to hand it all to Him, if and when I stumble, I pray that it would be a sooner rather than later recognition of self piloting in these well chartered waters of trying to do it alone.<br />
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I will cling to Jesus and His promise to never leave me or forsake me. I will lean in His arms and fully rely on Him and I don't want to forget that He is God and nothing surprises Him... nothing.<br />
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God is good, all the time...Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-60167966583774580882018-07-19T06:49:00.000-05:002018-07-19T06:49:08.451-05:00couldn’t have said it better myself... <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This this was a post from earlier in the year that I never posted and as the end of the month draws near, I think I can post it ... </div>
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Music was a big part of me when I tried to express my emotions when growing up.<br />
It still is the easiest way for me to deal with things.<br />
Lyrics always seem to be able to say it... say anything... say everything... better than I can.<br />
I crank up a song that really speaks to my heart and sing along to it with all my heart and tears pouring down my cheeks...<br />
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<br />
I try my best to be honest when posting here - its not always easy.<br />
I'm not meaning I lie if I'm not being honest....<br />
I mean, I try to post the most realistic views of what is happening in our corner and in my heart and head.<br />
<br />
<br />
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I try to be respectful of family members and friends, so I don't post about things.<br />
I try to not hurt peoples feelings or give them a reason to be mad at me (I am a people pleaser...)<br />
<br />
<i>everything</i> I post is 100% true...<br />
I just don't post everything that happens or goes through my brain or how I truly feel - I know this sounds strange when you read some of the things I post...<br />
<br />
and in doing so I am not always 100% honest about <i>how</i> I am feeling or <i>why</i> I am feeling that way... but some things I can’t put into words or I am scared to give voice to some things...<br />
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so like Carrie Underwood says;<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16.920000076293945px;"><span style="color: blue;">You can pretty lie</span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16.920000076293945px;"></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16.920000076293945px;">And say it’s okay</span></span></div>
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</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16.920000076293945px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
You can pretty smile</div>
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And just walk away</div>
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Pretty much fake your way through anything</div>
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<span style="color: blue;">But you can’t cry pretty</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">one day </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="caret-color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">I</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> will possibly be strong enough and brave enough to post exactly how </span>I<span style="font-family: inherit;"> am feeling and why...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">but until then...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">music will speak for me </span>when I struggle for the right words </span></div>
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<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-41224723311596452612018-07-18T07:16:00.001-05:002018-07-19T15:08:01.797-05:00I choose...<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12pt; unicode-bidi: embed;">I read this Max Lucado long ago script and had to share it today with FB and trying to share it on Twitter and on here because it rang so harmoniously in my heart today. I have been working on trying to be more of who God wants me to be and less of who society thinks I should be. I want to be someone who thinks of others, sees needs when and where it’s needed, who has peace in all situations, who forgives and KNOW I am forgiven... so much. It is not Brain Injury related but it is ME related... so read, choose and enjoy! 💗</span><br />
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<span style="direction: ltr; font-size: 12pt; unicode-bidi: embed;">EACH DAY </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">by Max Lucado </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">It's quiet. It's early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">In a few moments, the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met. For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is now I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I'm free to choose. And so I choose…. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I CHOOSE LOVE… </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I CHOOSE JOY… </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical…the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I CHOOSE PEACE… </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I CHOOSE PATIENCE… </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clenching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I CHOOSE KINDNESS… </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. I will be kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I CHOOSE GOODNESS… </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I CHOOSE FAITHFULNESS… </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Today I will keep my promises. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My spouse will not question my love. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I CHOOSE GENTLENESS… </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice, may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it only be in prayer. If I make a demand, may it only be of myself. </span></div>
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<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I CHOOSE SELF CONTROL… </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I am a spiritual being… After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control. </span></div>
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<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek His grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest. </span></div>
Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-39868019636056915672018-04-16T17:07:00.001-05:002018-04-16T17:07:31.261-05:00pray... write... delete... post... pray... repeat...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last Monday was my 14th care meeting at the personal care home where my daddy lives. FOURTEENTH ... my daddy has lived in a care home for 14 years. Out of the 22years since his accident, 14 of them have been with us -- meaning he has lived here in Manitoba. Every year I go to the care home and go to this care meeting we discuss daddy's health - both physical and mental, we talk about things we will work on with him the up coming year ... and every year I have to agree to his health care directive. All the personal and gory details of caring for him.<br />
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Decisions get made every year that were made the year before - but that doesn't make it any easier. Every year I make those hard decisions alone. </div>
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Every. Single. Year.</div>
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This year I got to add to the care plan that I have planned and made arrangements for Daddy's funeral for when the time comes. I spoke with the public trustee and explained to her how when dad gets really sick (and theres been quite a few times in the past 14 years) that I have to do a quick exit plan for him and its getting harder to do each time. So we (me, the funeral home and the public trustee) prearranged it all. </div>
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whoo...</div>
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hoo...</div>
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done and done... </div>
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I wonder where other single children caregivers go to discuss any plans or arrangements, reminisce about the past or just to talk about how they are doing while going through whatever they are going through? I have no family to rely on. No one but me to have happy memories of my dad with, no one but me to go and visit him and discuss his care with... no one else to visit him period. So it is all down to me and I am willing to admit that I am failing in the daughter of the year arena. {I don't get the chance to see him nearly as much as I should. He is hard to visit with - he doesn't talk and when he does it is a lot of swearing and extremely inappropriate things being said. I usually leave with tears in my eyes and my heart breaking.} it gets very exhausting hearing people (who work in the home AND who all seem to think they 'get it' that its ok, at least I am seeing him when I can. "its quality right..not quantity"... but its not either to be honest).</div>
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I have Dennis and he is a huge help for some areas, but even he knows how hard it is because he never knew my dad. He met him maybe 6-8 times before the accident and that was it. He has no "hey remember that time me, you and your dad..." really to share. (ok we have one and it involves my dad in a field near a rock pile and a badger... marking said field while they were spraying). The next memory we share is when daddy showed up for Christmas after Sammi was born... then I never saw him again, until he was in ICU and hooked up to every imaginable machine possible.</div>
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I know wishing doesn't do any good, this is not something that is every going to get better... or easier. But I really do WONDER ... how do others do it!? where do they go? how to they cope?</div>
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At my BI meeting group no one else there is remotely in the same boat as me when it comes to this Brain Injury game... no one. </div>
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honestly I had seriously hoped and prayed that this blog would have had at least ONE person cross my path that may have been of support. so I will continue as I have started and I will pray, write...delete...write...delete .... possibly post it... pray some more....</div>
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...and repeat...</div>
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Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-6199169534715780002018-04-08T15:28:00.001-05:002018-04-10T21:02:31.989-05:00hardest post ever to write<br />
I have wrote this post so many times now...<br />
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in my head and on here and never actually hit publish...<br />
I don't talk to anyone other than Dennis really about this...<br />
and our kids...<br />
we have asked for prayer from a few people but to actually sit and let someone know the whole sordid tale is almost too much...<br />
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I struggle to talk about it for lots of reasons:<br />
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1. worried how people will react or what they would say (most people don't understand Brain Injuries and so they rarely know how to react to that ... let alone a BI AND other issues)<br />
2. hearing people tell me what I should do or should have done (condemnation for being a terrible mom)<br />
3. having to look people who know in the eye and see 'that look' of pity or worse<br />
4. I can cry at the drop of a hat... again<br />
5. It brings back some bad memories<br />
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we are dealing with a lot of things with Samuel again. he is struggling with a lot of things as well... but he won't let us in to help and (I should say maybe its OR) he won't let us.<br />
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First of all, he has a drug problem. we don't know all the ins and outs of his use (and I don't know if I want to know) but he has a problem. we know marijuana is one he uses... a lot.<br />
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KvCt1lbLc7E/Wsp0o9SmGwI/AAAAAAAAC5M/yeQPU7mhlyQjojYb0CqFYCYn8A25-uVAQCLcBGAs/s1600/th3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="174" data-original-width="191" height="291" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KvCt1lbLc7E/Wsp0o9SmGwI/AAAAAAAAC5M/yeQPU7mhlyQjojYb0CqFYCYn8A25-uVAQCLcBGAs/s320/th3.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
He lies constantly. to us, to others, to himself, to God... so much so that we can no longer believe a thing he says. Not sure if this is the drugs or the brain injury...or a combination of the two... but it causes such grief.<br />
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He lives with depression and treats it with the drugs as far as we know along with ignoring it...<br />
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He is (and possibly still is - see above issue) in an abusive relationship with a girl. She mentally, emotionally and psychologically abuses him. we have seen her physically abuse him also. she is a manipulator and very conniving. she can turn the table on someone so fast that they don't even know it. this girl we took in as our family, we loved her -- until she turned a knife on Sam one night and then herself -- and blamed it all on him. she has punched him and slapped him as well. Unfortunately, sam thinks he is helping her. He thinks she needs him. We have been told many stories about her and it worries us so much. she is slowly turning our sam away from us. I pray he sees this and her manipulative ways before things get way worse.<br />
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He can't seem to keep track of money (probably because a good portion of it goes to drugs or who knows where).<br />
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He has some medical issues that need to be looked after properly (not just partially).<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kqe-f5GCn90/Wsp0n2dtGPI/AAAAAAAAC5A/qxg2Nce1tSIffce9qlBMEmlfRMttDmbMACLcBGAs/s1600/Unknown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="199" data-original-width="300" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kqe-f5GCn90/Wsp0n2dtGPI/AAAAAAAAC5A/qxg2Nce1tSIffce9qlBMEmlfRMttDmbMACLcBGAs/s1600/Unknown.jpg" /></a>He has lost his license many times and the latest is he has had his car impounded for 60days and has to pay a large amount of money to get his license back.<br />
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there is so many more things to say but I can't. my heart breaks, my eyes cry, my brain spins.... and then I do it again.<br />
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I get so frustrated with all the time we spent after his accident trying to get help nothing physically but also mentally - so that he could learn to deal with his new normal... and NO ONE would help. Now we are left with a man who can not deal with his depression, his brain injury or his abuse. He has never been taught... other than what we could try to help him with - which apparently wasn't enough.<br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Fdl-UMVXUPA/Wsp0oKmmjaI/AAAAAAAAC5E/_MGSUKsbCksLT3KsdTstIUCxmXl44V2EwCLcBGAs/s1600/th.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="210" data-original-width="267" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Fdl-UMVXUPA/Wsp0oKmmjaI/AAAAAAAAC5E/_MGSUKsbCksLT3KsdTstIUCxmXl44V2EwCLcBGAs/s1600/th.jpg" /></a>I get so frustrated too that we FOUGHT so hard to get him to where the doctors were even amazed and this is how he is going to live his life.<br />
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He is spiralling down so much right now that we can only pray that it is the beginning of the bottom of the barrel...<br />
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4YU1BTSeFp4/Wsp4a8xvjtI/AAAAAAAAC5s/kYqRXpyodsMw9Wz8L18WwkJjVs-Cqn56wCLcBGAs/s1600/hole2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="169" data-original-width="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4YU1BTSeFp4/Wsp4a8xvjtI/AAAAAAAAC5s/kYqRXpyodsMw9Wz8L18WwkJjVs-Cqn56wCLcBGAs/s1600/hole2.jpg" /></a>but we have thought we were heading there so may times before it is heart breaking to get our hopes openly to have him keep digging that damn hole. he is caught in that vicious cycle of addiction and add the abuse to it...<br />
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This week I am going to be trying to see what we can do to get help for us. I will talk to the Brain injury association of Canada and see if they can point me in a direction of help (brain injuries and addiction is handled a bit differently than 'just addiction' I believe.) and if there is nothing on that path then I will call Teen and Adult Challenge and see if they can get me help. Along with prayer and faith that He knows how this story will end - because nothing NOTHING surprises God. I can't fix sam or his issues, but we can fix how we will react to him and everything he is going through - so we will do what WE can let God do the rest...<br />
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easier said than done...<br />
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I read somewhere that if your addict likes you, you are just an enabler.<br />
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so we need to stop.<br />
that is just as hard to write as it is to say ...<br />
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... and even harder to do...<br />
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<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-26441507973857171042018-01-23T14:38:00.001-06:002018-01-23T14:38:57.551-06:00Be careful what you wish for...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have many friends that are caregivers.<br />
but we never talk really about its like to be a caregiver ... a caregiver in the many, MANY capacities we are all in... not really.<br />
We talk at our BI meetings but we never really go in depth about what we go through, how we are affected or how we wish we could change things.<br />
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so to hear one of my dearest friends say to me yesterday that she has wished for many years to be able to have someone look after her for a bit made me tear up so fast and even faster, wipe those tears away and hide my own feelings of the same.<br />
My friend has had her 'wish' "granted" but not in a way she had hoped. She was diagnosed and had surgery for cancer and is in a large, noisy, no privacy, not being able to eat (since Wednesday last week so far...) or drink... hospital.<br />
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With all the worries and stresses, that goes along with most people who are sick, have cancer, broken bones, fatigue... whatever... and then the usual worries that those of us who are caregivers have about those we love:<br />
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Are they ok?<br />
Are they taking care of themselves?<br />
Are they taking their med?<br />
Are they sleeping well?<br />
Are they eating properly?<br />
Is whom ever is supposed to be checking in on these things doing it and doing it properly?<br />
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I feel for my friend. I wish we lived closer so I could help more and she would be able to rest a bit better knowing that someone who understands her worries and concerns is looking out not only for her well being but her survivors too.<br />
it is so challenge<br />
But to go back to her 'wish'... I have wished that very thing myself on many occasions. It gets so tiring being the one who is constantly 'looking after' in one area/capacity or another. I don't think that you ever truly know who much a caregiver does until you have to be one. And that sad fantasy to have someone to have to look after me for a while ... sounds great... but....<br />
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but I know where the the balls would drop on that score. I know because in my day to day, my needs, my wishes go unnoticed every.single.day.<br />
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My survivors can remember many amazing things. Many MULTIPLE amazing things... they have a few balls in the air at once and not drop a single one... except that one.<br />
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me...<br />
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I feel some days like I should speak up, but then I know to do so will illicit hurt feelings -- no matter how loving and caring I try to come across.<br />
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Or it will be come a game of "well you never...", "thats not what I meant/said...", "I stopped saying/doing/helping because you said...." or the worst would be the listening and seeming to take me serious for a day or two and then drop that ball; and I am back to where I am now... hurting and feeling alone.<br />
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I wish we as caregivers were able to talk better about what we go through, but it is so challenging to do this... almost too challenging to open hurts or lines of communication on these issues as it feels like you are burdening others who already have their plate over flowing with their own stuff. To tell others who don't understand BI survivors is almost as challenging as telling your survivor! It then becomes a came of "well thats just normal male behaviour ... "or "well my husband/son/dad {insert any female pronoun also} ...." and it becomes a great game of 'who has the best worst scenario" ...<br />
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So we bottle it up, push it down and keep on moving.<br />
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Until it hurts so much that you find yourself crying at songs, tv shows, memories ... anything that will evoke any kind of emotion and it comes out as tears.<br />
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My help comes from God and His Word... but somedays a real honest to goodness friend would NOT go amiss!<br />
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Sorry but not sorry for the whining... this blog is that friend...<br />
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<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-16618130144023943782017-11-16T09:40:00.003-06:002017-11-16T09:40:46.966-06:00 holding my breath ... but i have to let go<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ANRogRd8fHQ/Wg2v6RjPWOI/AAAAAAAAC3o/QJjq5c2aLxMEC3crSuX-mbs0AMSIqyaQgCLcBGAs/s1600/Dandelion-seeds-blowing-in-wind.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="987" data-original-width="1600" height="246" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ANRogRd8fHQ/Wg2v6RjPWOI/AAAAAAAAC3o/QJjq5c2aLxMEC3crSuX-mbs0AMSIqyaQgCLcBGAs/s400/Dandelion-seeds-blowing-in-wind.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I have to learn to let go... <br />and let God ...</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 16px;">In keeping with my initial statements when I made this blog of staying honest I am going to o-continue with that here today. This IS NOT a post about brain injury... </span></h1>
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Our youngest and only daughter has gone to Mazatlàn, Mexico with YWAM (Youth With a Mission) where she is doing her DTS (Discipleship in Training)...and we couldn't be more proud but now that her outreach has been announced I feel like I am always holding my breath ...<br />
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She will be in Mexico until Dec. 18, (unless something changes with the travel plans) that will be the start of their outreach. She will then be traveling with TWO groups to Spain where they will leave the Spain outreach team and leave for Algeria, North Africa. We don't know where exactly in Algeria they will be going as it can compromise their outreach. From what we understand it is dangerous to spread the Word of God there (Islam is the main religion - 99%). So that is a little unnerving for a momma's heart.<br />
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I have been working hard to let God take this heavy heart and let Him do the work of "worrying" (and yes, I know He doesn't worry...) but I am not very good at letting Him to keep that issue. To be honest I am scared for our girl. I have prayed and prayed. I keep handing my love for Hannah to Him like I did with Sam when he had his accident, but I don't seem to feel that same peace that I did when I was able to let Sammi go home if that was what God wanted. I don't know why I can't find that peace... it bothers me so much that I can't. honestly I am scared that something will happen to her while she is there. I am scared. I am scared for so many things that are unreasonable and some that are possible.<br />
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I can't even explain it.<br />
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We have seen such amazing growth in our girl since she has been with YWAM. She is honest in her struggles, but she is just as excited in her own and in others growth and revelations. She is more open about her faith and she isn't scared to say when she is feeling lost or less than and I think that is because she HAS stretched her faith further than she ever has! She has seen and been apart of so many miraculous things. She has seen God at work everyday through not so rose coloured glasses, for people who believe in Him and people who don't.<br />
Hannah has been able to see that not everyone is as privileged as we are here in our country, our community ... our home.<br />
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I have seen her face light up when speaking about playing soccer with kids, sitting with young children who doesn't speak english (or at all), with talking to people who live in a garbage dump and when they have prayed for someone who is in YWAM, or for people who are on the street. Her eyes sparkle when she talks about going to North Africa and when they come back to Mazatlan for carnival. Her heart is so huge for spreading Christ's love and His Message.<br />
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Even so ... even though I see this light, I hear the love in her voice, I can see His plan beginning to work in her ... I still wish she wasn't going to somewhere where that is a reason for others to use it against her. Even though I was alright and at complete peace with God taking Sammi home if that was His plan, I am not with Hannah.<br />
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I have found every "excuse" in the book -- she's my baby, my last born, she is my only girl, she is so kindhearted, her love for God and others literally shines through her (and I admire that), it is a very dangerous country, she is not overly street wise, she is too trusting.<br />
I have always told her that when I grow up I want to be just like her ... this makes me feel so guilty and sad. I really do want to be more like Hannah; to be seemingly fearless in my faith and not be scared to step out into the unknown for God. I know that anything can happen anywhere at anytime to anyone... but who can listen to reason when your heart is hurting?<br />
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Before Hannah left she and I got matching tattoos on our forearms:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5tQPkHWwr1s/Wg2sfMDmuFI/AAAAAAAAC3Y/4Lm7tlAG4B0Y7ezHl6htoAv8PM-rnf2hwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_2162.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1232" data-original-width="1240" height="317" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5tQPkHWwr1s/Wg2sfMDmuFI/AAAAAAAAC3Y/4Lm7tlAG4B0Y7ezHl6htoAv8PM-rnf2hwCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_2162.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">LOVE YOU in each others handwriting and verses to remind us to<br />go to God always. I used to pray numbers 6:24-26 over the kids<br />each morning before they left for school.</td></tr>
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And on our wrists: </div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ND-M2eZ6hR4/Wg2sfr36NNI/AAAAAAAAC3c/46hZEV1YeL0v7cypshMx8a2naexgCx78ACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_2163.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1226" data-original-width="1242" height="315" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ND-M2eZ6hR4/Wg2sfr36NNI/AAAAAAAAC3c/46hZEV1YeL0v7cypshMx8a2naexgCx78ACLcBGAs/s320/IMG_2163.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">a reminder to breathe and go to Him when<br />things feel like they are closing in and you can't breathe...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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and I look at them everyday to remind myself to pray, to take it to Him, to let Him give me the peace that passes all understanding... and just breathe<br />
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and I keep praying:<br />
<h1 class="passage-display" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<span class="text Phil-4-6" id="en-AMP-29449" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">6 </span>Do not be anxious <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">or</i> worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. </span><span class="text Phil-4-7" id="en-AMP-29450" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">7 </span>And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours]. Philippians 4:6-7 (AMP)</span></h1>
He has it all in HIs hands and He knows the outcome to everything...<br />
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<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-29591809713854540562017-10-10T10:56:00.000-05:002017-10-11T08:25:13.740-05:00maybe this is my epiphany...<br />
but then again, how can it be an epiphany if I have always known it?<br />
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<br />
So daddy is still sick. Not getting and worse and yet not any better either...<br />
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PVQ8vCc_bA8/WdztYbtYUpI/AAAAAAAAC24/no2-jSZ5xzAbFAEo2uA3J9b79wJpPlfpQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1330-1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PVQ8vCc_bA8/WdztYbtYUpI/AAAAAAAAC24/no2-jSZ5xzAbFAEo2uA3J9b79wJpPlfpQCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_1330-1.JPG" width="240" /></a>On Saturday the care home sent him up to the hospital to see a doctor and he was admitted and will be there for a few days. The medical staff at both the hospital and the care home are all confused as to why he is on medication, starts to get better then gets sick again. So now he is in the hospital and is getting his medication via IV.<br />
The resident that saw him last night said (after looking at his file) his pneumonia would start to get better in his right lung then his left would get it; then as it got better it would go into his right lung. Totally not making sense. So th hope is that the IV meds will work and wipe it out.<br />
Dennis and I were with him yesterday at the hospital until they got him settled in and the IV inserted - so we could help keep daddy calm-ish and he was ready to go to sleep. Then I arrived this morning and spent a good part of the day with him. He was white, unusually quiet and didn’t eat much... but he DID eat. The nurses suggested to get dad’s chair sent to the hospital so we got it and had him sitting up in it for a few hours in hopes of breaking the chest issues. Time will tell.<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-brvidTBtV8A/WdztYv42kgI/AAAAAAAAC28/GcRH8Mw3Jz8tG7pOIFtrNdZrixXRceVfACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1331-1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-brvidTBtV8A/WdztYv42kgI/AAAAAAAAC28/GcRH8Mw3Jz8tG7pOIFtrNdZrixXRceVfACLcBGAs/s320/IMG_1331-1.JPG" width="240" /></a>I have really been struggling with this bout of sickness with Daddy. He looks so tired and so small. He weighs almost nothing 60.2kg (about 132lbs)and he is 6’2”. He is literally a rack of bones. My daddy was always really thin but not like this. His appetite has decreased so much of late and he is wasting away before my eyes. He doesn’t talk a whole lot but he will sing bits and pieces of old songs that he loved — but only if he is in the right mood it seems. Today was not one of those moods or days. My prayer has been {and always has been} that if it is God’s will to take Daddy home, I can live with that. But there is enormous guilt that has gone along with that prayer. I have had friends tell me to “enjoy every minute with him while I have him.” “Don’t be so selfish to pray like that.” And other things, but I know my dad didn’t want to live like this. He <i>told me</i> about a year and a half before this happened, what i was to do and what he wanted and didn’t want - but that doesn’t stop the guilt.<br />
Then this morningI was spreading my bible and God led me to a devotion by Carol L. Baldwin called “Trust and Confidence” I was based on Matthew 26:39<br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed,</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="woj" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-24094E" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-24094E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span class="woj" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
It made me think that maybe I am looking at this all wrong. Maybe I am to be rejoicing in this trial with Daddy and his entire injury (not just the pneumonia) Maybe He is granting me time to appreciate again what I have in the Daddy I have left now... and not mourn the man I lost 22 years ago.<br />
the further readings I read were:<br />
<span style="color: #351c75;">1Peter 1:6-7</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span class="text 1Pet-1-6" id="en-NIV-30381" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">6 </span>In all this you greatly rejoice,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30381X" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30381X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> though now for a little while<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30381Y" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30381Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30381Z" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30381Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 1Pet-1-7" id="en-NIV-30382" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">7 </span>These have come so that the proven genuineness<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30382AA" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30382AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30382AB" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30382AB" title="See cross-reference AB">AB</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span>—may result in praise, glory and honor<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30382AC" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30382AC" title="See cross-reference AC">AC</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> when Jesus Christ is revealed.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span class="text 1Pet-1-7" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="text 1Pet-1-7" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #351c75; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">1Peter 4:12-13</span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span class="text 1Pet-4-12" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">12 </span>Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30459A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30459A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 1Pet-4-13" id="en-NIV-30460" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;">13 </span>But rejoice<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30460B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30460B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30460C" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30460C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.</span></span><br />
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Not so much that I am ‘suffering’ for being a Christian but in that I need to learn to lean on Him and trust in Him way more than I do. When I look back on the things we have gone through since daddy's accident in 1996 -- right up to recently -- I can see when times that I had viewed as challenges {or even negative issues} occurred actually really helped me in a time later o down the line. Now I have known this and think about it quite frequently of how maybe Daddy 'accident' {choices really} really an truly helped me to get through everything we have gone through with our Sammi. I don't know how I would have even began to grasp the enormity of Sam's accident if I hadn't have had my experiences with Daddy first.<br />
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So I will continue to pray for God's will through it all. And try to focus on Him and what I am supposed to be taking away format or learning from it! A daily reminder of this will be in my heart, in my mind and on my fridge:<br />
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<div class="poetry top-05" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding-left: 2.6em; position: relative;">
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<span class="text Prov-3-5" id="en-NIV-16461" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"></span></div>
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Trust in the <span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal;">Lord</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-16461A" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-16461A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> with all your heart</div>
<span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Prov-3-5" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">and lean not on your own understanding;</span></span></div>
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</span><span class="text Prov-3-6" id="en-NIV-16462" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;"><span class="versenum" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: block; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; left: -4.4em; line-height: 22px; position: absolute; text-align: center; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"> </span><div style="text-align: center;">
in all your ways submit to him,</div>
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<span class="indent-1-breaks" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: monospace; font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Prov-3-6" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; position: relative;">and he will make your paths<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-16462B" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-16462B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> straight</span></div>
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<span class="passage-display-bcv" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; font-size: 18px; margin: 0px; padding-right: 10px;">Proverbs 3:5-6</span><span class="passage-display-version" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline;">NIV</span></h1>
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<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-39599938392032171562017-09-19T10:09:00.005-05:002017-09-19T10:09:54.467-05:00Sometimes people suck ...<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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What would YOU say if you found out that someone you loved and is in someone else's care and the one you love has been sick for over three weeks, has been to the local hospital for chest X-rays and is now going for a second set? <br />
<br />
This is part of this other persons {to be fair there could be more than one person who has this job to do} job, to keep family {in my case ... only me} updated on your loved ones health issues and the like.<br />
<br />
I got a phone message yesterday afternoon/evening from th care home where my daddy is taken care of and lives, asking if I could call them back regarding some,thing with my daddy. I didn't get my message until this morning and I called right away. I was informed that my daddy is going to the hospital on Monday morning for a <i>second chest X-ray </i>because his pneumonia doesn't seem to be getting better....<br />
<br />
Excuse me?<br />
<br />
His pneumonia?<br />
<br />
Second chest X-ray ....<br />
<br />
I told the woman I had not been informed of the first X-ray OR his pneumonia and we had just been in to visit last week and he didnt seem to be or sound sick.<br />
<br />
She seemed quite shocked to hear this.<br />
<br />
Like I said earlier, I am the ONLY person who needs to be called when things happpen.<br />
I mean they call me about:<br />
<br />
- holes in his socks and what should they do about them.<br />
- missing shavers from his bathroom - would I know where they are?<br />
- no batteries for a clock in his room.<br />
- if I am shopping he could do with a new pillow.<br />
<br />
Y'all get the idea.<br />
<br />
For the most part, I absolutely love where daddy is. He gets fantastic care but wonderful staff.<br />
But sometimes when it comes to big ticket items {insert almost any issue here} they really drop the ball. This is NOT the first time this has occurred either!<br />
<br />
Dennis and I were on our way out today to do some grocery shopping and whatnot, so we stopped in to see daddy, and his chest was quite rattley with lots of moistness in it, so I am glad he's going to get another X-ray. I AMA little concerned about the medications they have Him on not working, but he is in Gods care and He knows what is needed to get daddy on the mend, if that's His will.<br />
<br />
UPDATE:<br />
Daddy went for X-rays yesterday and the pneumonia is definitely back and more in his right lung. SO a new and stronger medication and a nebulizer every 2 days (because the medication can do damage to his kidneys -- it never rains but pours right!)<br />
<br />
We will be back on Wednesday to check in and see how he's doing.<br />
<br />
Daddy just looked so tired and small. How can someone who was such a giant in my life be reduced to looking so small?<br />
<br />
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<img src="webkit-fake-url://7475dfc0-f089-4815-9522-f70e0009ba27/imagejpeg" />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-56211140440612721972017-08-05T01:00:00.000-05:002017-08-05T05:41:17.205-05:00like it was yesterday and yet it was 21 years ago...<a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-g2i98BzFyFs/WKTJ4p-FPcI/AAAAAAAAC0o/LOAD6TC9Ct8/s640/blogger-image-1910687159.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-g2i98BzFyFs/WKTJ4p-FPcI/AAAAAAAAC0o/LOAD6TC9Ct8/s320/blogger-image-1910687159.jpg" width="320" /></a>Today marks the day -- 21years ago -- when at 10pm i received a phone call that my daddy had been beaten up and may not make the night. my daddy was taken from me by a selfish man and his girl friend. Today is the day that I not only lost my daddy (in a purely emotional and mental way) but my kids lost the most amazing Papa. It is so hard to believe that it has been 21years! It seems like just yesterday he was calling me to tell me a joke or just to 'yak'.<br />
My daddy was a man who would give you the last dollar he had to help you out. He would phone you to make you laugh to cheer you up or to see how things were. He would buy lotto tickets and give them all to you and sincerely hope you would win big! Family was everything to my dad - he would pick me up for a weekend and we would drive to Muskokas to visit with my gramps and gran and aunts and cousins. He would smile and laugh, hugging us, giving us a bit of money for pops and treats.<br />
<a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HO9MggsSomc/WKTJ5QINafI/AAAAAAAAC0s/gTVr1VMmAlQ/s640/blogger-image--1925639202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HO9MggsSomc/WKTJ5QINafI/AAAAAAAAC0s/gTVr1VMmAlQ/s320/blogger-image--1925639202.jpg" width="240" /></a>He was a trucker, who spent many hours and days on the road, hauling semi's from one end of the country to the other. He hauled cattle and other freight to all corners! He was maybe not the best ever husband but he sure was an awesome daddy.<br />
We would spend hours singing to all the tapes in his truck as we drove the Yellowhead highway through Canada and then the TansCanada once it was done. We ate copious amounts of kielbasa and ritz crackers and cheese on the road. We stopped at all the best truck stops for coffee, pie, dinner, lunch, breakfast and pee breaks. We would laugh talking to other truckers on the CB radio and daddy would be reminding them every so often that his little girl was listening so please watch the language (most of the truckers complied and would talk to me about school and riding with daddy).<br />
<a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-hFgsytjw6X0/WKTJ1dqB6ZI/AAAAAAAAC0c/bocvWfP6X-I/s640/blogger-image--1626987164.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-hFgsytjw6X0/WKTJ1dqB6ZI/AAAAAAAAC0c/bocvWfP6X-I/s320/blogger-image--1626987164.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I miss him ....<br />
every<br />
single.<br />
day.<br />
and there will never be another 'him'.<br />
<br />
He was so handsome and it used to drive me crazy when he would come to pick me up at school and girls would giggle and gawk at him...but only a little because I was so proud to him as my daddy. He would take me shopping for clothes and tease me about bras and new styles, but he was so much fun to be with, everything we did was a crazy, fun adventure.<br />
<a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-v2oQ5WMhau8/WKTJ2iCv1XI/AAAAAAAAC0g/z7pxuA8srgY/s640/blogger-image-107638901.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-v2oQ5WMhau8/WKTJ2iCv1XI/AAAAAAAAC0g/z7pxuA8srgY/s320/blogger-image-107638901.jpg" width="240" /></a>i remember once getting caught swearing (I said sh!t when I was trying to make something for him and mom) and that night as we drove to pick up my mom from work he said' you know Jo, I heard what you said earlier and Iim pretty disappointed that you would choose to use that language' (even though he used it), I remember being so heart broken and disappointed in my self to have disappointed him and those words were all it took to make me want to try to be better for him to be proud of me.<br />
He taught me a bit about Jesus growing up and i know he believed in Him. This makes me very happy to know!<br />
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When I had our first child, Joshua, on June 19 (Fathers Day) we called him from the hospital and he cried. He showed up at our house for the September long weekend to see not only Joshua be dedicated to God, but to see Dennis and I both baptized.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cfBtePcp07c/WYD0PIOMPRI/AAAAAAAAC2A/jg7wtJY4UrgbGdOGtXSBsbaGs8fWwCMPgCLcBGAs/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cfBtePcp07c/WYD0PIOMPRI/AAAAAAAAC2A/jg7wtJY4UrgbGdOGtXSBsbaGs8fWwCMPgCLcBGAs/s320/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="320" /></a>When our second son Sam was born on dec 16, 1995, Daddy showed up on my doorstep with a car loaded with gifts for the boys on Dec 22 and he stayed until 27 then headed back to Alberta go to work. He head Sammi and beamed with smiles! He was so proud to have a baby Holmes (sam's middle name). He played with Joshua for hours and wouldn't let me do anything for the boys that was usually my job (diapers, feeding meals, etc.) He took over and helped as if he lived with a hundred babies all the time!<br />
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That day he left for home, was the last day I ever saw my dad in person. He came running back into the house after he got in his car and gave me his favourite jean jacket and told me to look after it for him....<br />
and I have.<br />
<br />
<br />
I can't begin to describe the empty hole left by him. How my kids will never know how amazing he was, how funny, how generous, how caring. Ask I can do it tell stories and show pictures... because the man that is left is nothing.... and I mean NOTHING like my daddy.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yGaF1Q5RE_E/WKTJ3a2S1ZI/AAAAAAAAC00/8-WMnyk8HxkmvEXhgSFfQcq9s-J6ou-NACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/blogger-image-1873620306.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yGaF1Q5RE_E/WKTJ3a2S1ZI/AAAAAAAAC00/8-WMnyk8HxkmvEXhgSFfQcq9s-J6ou-NACPcBGAYYCw/s320/blogger-image-1873620306.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I miss you Daddy.<br />
<br />
One day we will be together again in heaven...<br />
<br />
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NmDN3TO1h9I/UqIyg_m6ywI/AAAAAAAAByY/uQQVPXatFygyhXvu0tL2QCHtZ7kl5dLLQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/meanddad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="720" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NmDN3TO1h9I/UqIyg_m6ywI/AAAAAAAAByY/uQQVPXatFygyhXvu0tL2QCHtZ7kl5dLLQCPcBGAYYCw/s320/meanddad.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
I know it;<br />
<br />
<br />
I can't wait.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-33297395647846052742017-02-07T19:15:00.001-06:002017-02-07T19:16:11.966-06:00Some days he's the windshield... but not today <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A few months back, Sammi had some minor surgery, which was the removal of some lipomas (fatty tissue deposits and they have come back. Yesterday he went to the doctor who removed them and he was informed that he has something called <b><span style="color: blue;"><a href="https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/dercums-disease/" target="_blank">Dercum's Disease</a> </span></b>and that he will continue to have these lipomas pop up from now until he is 35. If they cause him discomfort or pain he will have to go back to the doctor and have them removed....<br />
<br />
which is done surgically and in a hospital...<br />
minor... yes...<br />
but still a surgery ... every time to remove them.<br />
<br />
The few he has had, have caused discomfort (which may be a good thing since that may mean that he caught them before they have gotten too bad and caused any pain).<br />
<br />
I am so frustrated at this new development as it is once again NOT a well known (it is rare in fact) 'disease' and the info we found on it seems even rarer as it is typically WOMEN aged 45-60 who get these and not 20 year old young men (although it can affect anyone of any age)! I have posed a question to Dennis (not that either of us have any real medical knowledge) that if his BI could have anything to do with this new issue? He doesn't fit into any of the categories of symptoms other than he has lots of Lipomas ( at last count -- about a month ago -- he had about 13-15 'decent sized' ones)<br />
<br />
So maybe when the bullet ripped through his brain, it caused a rewiring that is causing his body to not breakdown the fatty tissues in his body... but since there is no real information on why this is all pure speculation....<br />
<br />
and frustration....<br />
<br />
Each surgery will mean a week or more of work (depending on where the lipoma is located) and that means no income. We have applied for the disability credit for Sam but have been denied both times. This credit is not an income for Sam but just the ability to earn a bit of extra money before he would have to pay taxes. And he is on his own, working and living... which means he has bills to pay! So a few days off even will effect his paycheque and bill paying abilities!<br />
<br />
We have now waited for almost 3 months for an appt for this round of lipoma removals, and he has more than when he initially went in for... sigh... and I can't do anything because he is 21. He forgets to call, or maybe doesn't want to call, to gets too busy to call to check on why he doesn't have an appointment.<br />
<br />
I try not to worry. I keep handing it to God, but I keep taking it back...<br />
<br />
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<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-16844959113935169222017-02-07T19:06:00.000-06:002017-03-04T06:10:21.141-06:00this that and other stuff<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">emotional rollercoaster rides... free of charge!<br />
Just trying to get off before it flings me off...</td></tr>
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the last few months have been hard to say the least.<br />
<br />
We don't see Isaac too much as he is very busy with school. Sam is busy with his job (and until April he lives in Neepawa). Hannah is now getting ready to graduate in June, work at camps this summer and then in September she is off to Mazatlan, Mexico with YWAM (Youth With A Mission) for 3 months, ending with 2 months in either, Mexico, Asia, South Africa or Europe.<br />
<br />
Someone had asked me this past week about Sam's accident and I started shaking, my chest got tight, I choked back tears and I had a rushing in my ears.... it was weird because that hadn't happened to me since right after his accident! And now we are almost 9 years in....<br />
<br />
We started a new church this fall and I have had some serious anxiety issues going each week. So much so that my chest gets tight and the tears start. I think part of it missing our old church family and going through so much and not knowing anyone really made it all that much more emotional. I love the new church and what is it doing for Christ and the community, but I hadn't been able to really talk with anyone, until this last Sunday. It feels like I am 10 and starting a new school and having to make new friends all over again. I am the new kid on the block and everyone else is sorted for friends and who wants to be in charge of the new kid!? I am tired of always being 'new' to people.... and let's face it, my life isn't that interesting to make people want to talk with me! {I attended 17 DIFFERENT schools in. my day - some I left and went back too at a different grade even! so trust me when I say I KNOW the new kid in class feelings!}<br />
When comparing churches (whixh i know i shouldnt do), I find the men in this church to be so much more emotion filled with they lead praise and worship and that sometimes hits me hard -- this Sunday was no different. I had to leave the sanctuary because I couldn't regain myself.<br />
I headed to the nursery and sat there crying feeling so incredibly stupid. when I heard someone walk in. I thought it was Dennis or Hannah but it was a wonderful lady from church that I had spoken with a few times and enjoyed her company. she asked if I was ok and told me how she had seen I had struggled a few times during the services. I told her about my anxiety and bi-polar issues and how I have had a time lately dealing with things and church was one of them. as I spoke to her a few things started to come to light for me and how i think it really is a grieving process I am going through missing our old church and church family. Not that we can't see them or spend time with them, but they are all making this new transition into a new church family too and I don't want to keep pulling people backwards..... even though I feel like I am going backwards all the time.<br />
<br />
I have been working on my emotions (insert anxiety and bi-polar) with prayer, breathing exercises and as soon as my essential oils come in I will add them to my repertoire. I don't want to go to the doctor as they always seem to make me feel as though I am crazy (which, lets face it, is a very good possibility) and they want to put me on drugs. I don't want the drugs. Years ago I was started on a drug that put me into ICU for a couple of days and I don't want to do that again! I don't like the way they make me feel, I don't like the trial and error factor, I don't like that it costs a small fortune and that adds more to my anxiety and depression.<br />
<br />
I may see if I can still go and talk to a counsellor at the health unit. But that requires me to go out in public and I just don't want to "people". Because then I have to talk and act normal (whatever that is), I have to put on that facade that makes people happy because face it.... who wants to talk to Debby Downer.... cuz "we all have problems right" (sarcasm at its best right there folks!)<br />
<br />
I miss writing on here - I found it incredibly therapeutic but my MacBook Pro is on its last legs and we can't afford a new one and writing on the farm computer isn't the same as I feel that everyone walking by can see what I am writing or worse yet look into my writings ... which is silly since I post it for the world to see. But when I type I get into a zone, my own little world and type out all sorts of blathering stuff and until I hit publish it is safe with me.<br />
<br />
sigh.... I will work things out. I will not go crazy totally...<br />
<br />
yet...<br />
<br />
not this week....<br />
<br />
I will not drown in my own tears. (although I might meet Alice though and share a cookie)<br />
<br />
My memories of the past will not haunt me forever (maybe they'll <strike>exorcised</strike> leave next week).<br />
<br />
My head will not burst under the pain and strain of these darn headaches -- even though it sure feels like it some days!<br />
<br />
I promise to not use so many sarcastic, smart assed references next time.... maybe... maybe not<br />
<br />
maybe I should write a book.... "How not to go crazy! Even when you already are..."<br />
<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-60025343173969573762017-02-05T19:06:00.000-06:002017-09-10T16:34:01.803-05:00saying goodbye & forgiveness -- all in one day<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ct7Navqezx4/WJfFL7O3bpI/AAAAAAAACzo/zmi6ICYPUZIjU5FzfQ0dhEogT8_sKY_rgCLcB/s1600/14021692_10157457290210372_1063855950658957495_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ct7Navqezx4/WJfFL7O3bpI/AAAAAAAACzo/zmi6ICYPUZIjU5FzfQ0dhEogT8_sKY_rgCLcB/s320/14021692_10157457290210372_1063855950658957495_n.jpg" width="320" /></a>On December 31, 2016, before midnight, my uncle Norman had a dance with his beautiful wife(my daddy's youngest sister), Lois, at their local legion, after they decided to call it an early night and head home. A short while later in the parking lot of the legion, Uncle Norman, started their car, pulled out of their parking space. He then proceeded to re-park the car, turn off the ignition and have a massive heart attack and pass away.<br />
To say the least his entire family (my aunt Lois, their 4 kids and all their grandkids) and the rest of the family were devastated. Dennis and I headed to Alberta to be with my aunt and cousins during this time. My uncle was awesome! He taught... OK he TRIED to teach me... how to peel potatoes KP style (he was in the British Army back in the day) when he was home in Ireland. He taught me how to make amazing Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo, he taught me other kitchen tricks. He had a laugh that was infectious.<br />
I personally felt very guilty about going to his funeral, as I had hoped to go last fall to see them but we went to see my mom instead, so the plan was to go out this spring. I didn't want my last visit with my favourite uncle to be at his funeral, but God had other plans. I am so happy though to know I will see him again and then it will be for eternity!<br />
<br />
While at the celebration of his life, my aunt asked me to have a drink with her and N, (N was my daddy's second wife and she and her boyfriend played parts in where my daddy is now in life) and to put the past behind us. It was a very hard decision for me to make... so incredibly hard that I almost didn't want to go to Alberta, because I knew she would be there. But I went, I went and I spoke to her. I told her that I had forgiven her long ago, but that it didn't do a thing for my heart to know that my kids would never know just how awesome of a man my daddy was. I told her how whatever her part, and her boyfriends part... and my dad's part, was in it all I can not convey to my kids how much he would have loved them, how proud he would be of them all and how much he would have been THE BEST PAPA EVER to them! I told her how each of our kids remind me of my daddy and how that breaks my heart (and makes it soar) every time I see it in them. I told her how our Sammi looks SO much and acts SO MUCH like my dad it is scary! I told her that I forgave her because I did it for ME.... not for her, not for daddy, not for anyone but ME. I had to because it was killing me. I told her how I had told dad that if he truly felt he belonged with her that I would support him and love him no matter what. She told me how she thinks of him everyday and she loves him (even though she is now married again) but I told her that I not only think of my dad everyday, I MISS him everyday because my daddy is gone. He effectively died that day and all that is left now is a shell.<br />
I don't ever expect to see her again (but I may if I go to visit my aunt), but I am glad to got to say my peace with her. I am glad she knows that I forgive her but that the choices that were made that day affected not only her, her boyfriend and my dad but they affected me, Dennis, our kids and the future generations of my family that will never know him. Never hear HIS laugh, hear him tell a joke (but insist you clean it up before you pass it on lol), here him tell them how much he loves them and how proud he is of them. I often say to Dennis "I wonder if dad would have....<br />
- had a cell phone and learned to text to communicate with the kids<br />
- had a FB profile<br />
- rode with Josh in his Mack hay hauler<br />
- sat and enjoyed a beer with Sammi on a Saturday afternoon<br />
- talked religion vs. faith with Isaac<br />
- bought our Hannah a bouquet of flowers and had them delivered to the school for her birthday<br />
- would have been proud of me and how I have raised my family<br />
<br />
all these things I wonder but I will never know because he was taken from me, from us. But I am so glad I got to tell her. I still want to hate her but I can't. I can't because they not only took my dad from me, they took my awesome kids from their lives too...and sometimes I think that is punishment enough.<br />
With this being said, I still cry about talking to her. My anxiety was so bad that day that it was crushing me. There is more I could have said, maybe should have said, but I hugged her and that was it. I left the area where we were talking and headed to the bar of the legion where the celebration of life was and enjoyed the rest of the evening reminiscing with my cousins and sharing their grief. I buried mine that night.... again and maybe one day I can have someone to share my grief with.....<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
maybe<br />
<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-89885158880954464502016-09-29T06:40:00.000-05:002016-09-29T06:44:51.570-05:00God does answer prayers!God is good, all the time!<br>
And all the time, God is good!<br>
<br>
A phrase that is spoken in our house on an almost daily basis, and we wholeheartedly agree!<br>
<br>
Our family is back,to our normal routines and all are speaking to each other. (Not sure about the FB friendships, but no worries!)<br>
<br>
I hate how I stress about things instead of letting God look after it. I am working on that<br>
<br>
There is not a lot to report on this end except that God is good and all is well!<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-NQIHsV_Kj1c/V-z-svuh1uI/AAAAAAAACyQ/YzKg9Ys3Wow/s640/blogger-image-1347542203.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-NQIHsV_Kj1c/V-z-svuh1uI/AAAAAAAACyQ/YzKg9Ys3Wow/s640/blogger-image-1347542203.jpg"></a></div>Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-79868928631061357182016-09-18T20:30:00.000-05:002016-09-19T05:59:25.220-05:00 No one is to blame .... except for maybe me.... again...<br />
or so it seems... and feels....<br />
<br />
this past week was a doozy again! I seriously thought we were done with BI issues and all that goes with it... but again I was wrong.<br />
<br />
at least I think I am wrong... but then again ...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
- we were blindsided last weekend by our farm shop door (one of the big ones that you drive a tractor through) wide open Saturday morning before we head out to volleyball tournament -- dirt bike hauled to door and tools out...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
This was followed by a missing quad (the only quad we had running for Dennis to do chores with) when we returned home from a volleyball tournament<br />
<br />
-not so pleasantly surprised to find it 'borrowed'<br />
<br />
-and even less surprised to find it returned broke down ...<br />
<br />
We knew once we saw it was missing who had it and we were seriously not surprised to have it returned in less than running condition. Sometimes things like checking the oil and other daily maintenance things go forgotten about. There was also a severely sprained ankle from a few days earlier, an epileptologist appointment that was to be in the coming week (that was missed)<br />
<br />
Dennis had spoken to Sam early on Saturday (about the shop door incident) and there was no request to borrow the quad (which would have been no as it had been asked the day before -- this is because we are down to one quad for Dennis to use to move cattle and fences daily).<br />
<br />
To say the least we were a bit upset and rightly so we figure.<br />
<br />
Apparently we were wrong...<br />
<br />
Sam is not talking to us<br />
<br />
He has 'unfriended' his siblings on FB (Dennis and I are no longer on FB)<br />
<br />
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-t1M5fawNGzI/V987SireIPI/AAAAAAAACxw/0LigOv7T8GcZ6suaJnxtwQFSzmkXeAgkACLcB/s1600/dont-worry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-t1M5fawNGzI/V987SireIPI/AAAAAAAACxw/0LigOv7T8GcZ6suaJnxtwQFSzmkXeAgkACLcB/s320/dont-worry.jpg" width="320" /></a>He removed himself from our family group chats on messenger<br />
<br />
He plans on moving out<br />
<br />
and he is done with us (his words to me on Sunday last week) and "all the BS around here"<br />
<br />
His attitude and demeanour is very much like when he was on his seizure medications. (Which he is not now); like he is bound and determined to make life miserable for everyone because he is miserable, upset, fed up, disappointed or whatever...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
He will not say what brought this on.<br />
I am at a loss... my heart hurts<br />
I am on the verge of tears all the time. I spent copious amounts of time praying to God and talking with Him, handing all my worries and fears back to Him when I try to take them back. I know worrying does nothing so that is my daily... hourly ... even every minute goal...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q5sCGu1K0E8/V989B_JZxCI/AAAAAAAACx8/w5qofWl8lVAkgQNCSLlOmcGlM8k9o_D4QCLcB/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="314" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q5sCGu1K0E8/V989B_JZxCI/AAAAAAAACx8/w5qofWl8lVAkgQNCSLlOmcGlM8k9o_D4QCLcB/s320/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="320" /></a>I send Sam texts asking him to come for tea or just to say hi basically and most are met with nothing or no and what makes it hurt so much more was it wasn't that long ago he sent me a beautiful message that brought me to tears:<br />
<br />
<br />
and now this ....<br />
I am just so tired....<br />
<br />
I know part of this is his BI and all the lies he has been telling himself and others are now the resounding truth in his head<br />
<br />
but I am tired....<br />
<br />
I am tired of always being the 'wrong' one, the one to blame, the one who is the emotional punching bag for people...<br />
<br />
and I am mad an hurt....<br />
<br />
why is it that he can't see that we are the only ones that are ALWAYS here for him and love him unconditionally ... and yet it is ok to treat us like crap and hold his friends up to be the ones where are 'always' there?!?<br />
<br />
why does he feel the need to shut out his siblings who only want whats best for him!?! they didn't do anything -- but because he feels the need to post his life on FB he feels that they will report back to us what he is doing!<br />
<br />
I am exhausted<br />
<br />
I sleep little<br />
<br />
I hear every noise in the house at night again<br />
<br />
I am trying to keep busy with whatever I can to keep my mind from wandering to why!?<br />
<br />
WHY!?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
why the heck do I <i>let</i> him do this to me...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
because I love him and want to see him succeed in life.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
He is my 'Sammi' and I miss him terribly....<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/V-A6WH1kQLc/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/V-A6WH1kQLc?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe><br />
<div class="verse" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif;">
You can look at the menu, but you just can't eat<br />
You can feel the cushion, but you can't have a seat<br />
You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can't have a swim<br />
You can feel the punishment, but you can't commit the sin</div>
<div class="verse" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif;">
And you want her, and she wants you<br />
We want everyone<br />
And you want her and she wants you<br />
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame<br />
You can build a mansion, but you just can't live in it<br />
You're the fastest runner but you're not allowed to win<br />
Some break the rules, and let you cut the cost<br />
The insecurity is the thing that won't get lost</div>
<div class="verse" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif;">
And you want her, and she wants you<br />
We want everyone<br />
And you want her and she wants you<br />
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame</div>
<div class="verse" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif;">
You can see the summit but you can't reach it<br />
It's the last piece of the puzzle but you just can't make it fit<br />
Doctor says you're cured but you still feel the pain<br />
Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain</div>
<div class="verse" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif;">
And you want her, and she wants you<br />
We want everyone<br />
And you want her and she wants you<br />
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame</div>
<div class="verse" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif;">
No one ever is to blame<br />
No one ever is to blame</div>
<span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: , "arial" , sans-serif;">~~ Howard Jones~~</span>Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-34850812969145021132016-06-05T17:41:00.002-05:002016-06-05T17:41:40.537-05:00Land of confusion...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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DO you remember the hit song by Genesis in the 80's "Land of Confusion"?<br />
Maybe I am just a weird 80's chick that remembers far to many things from that time ... and I should just forget them!<br />
I ask because that is how I feel these days. I haven't updated on my health issue from January, because I am so freakin confused right now about it all.<br />
I went to a neurosurgeon in February as planned and he said <i>"I don't know what else I can tell you, except that you probably DON'T have a brain aneurysm BUT I should see you again in about 2 years for an MRI. IF you do happen to have an aneurysm, I feel it is so small that there is no chance of it bursting. So go live your life." </i><br />
Ok I get the go live your life. I would totally get the we will check again in 2 years, if he had actually checked on his time and not just rely on the original CT scans (which he claimed was probably not done right to begin with...ummmm ok?) But to DO NOTHING to even try to help elevate my stress or my emotions, like maybe schedule the MRI or at the very least another CT scan!<br />
But what really got me was my husbands acceptance of this (essentially a stranger) doctor, to look at my CTs he felt were either wrong or not read right, and to take all that he said as 'good to go'. That was a slap in the face. I just can't get past that for almost a year I had CLEAR CT's and then all of a sudden there is something there, but not worth to double check or even worry about it. I know there is nothing that they can really do about it but to be just written off....leave you feeling kind of lost and worthless. THEN I go to MY doctor about a separate issue and she (who knows that this neurosurgeon said and basically said to me "well, he is the specialist") keeps talking to me about 'my aneurysm is so small so not to worry about it.' So my question is: DO I or DON'T I!? talk about confusion! No one wants to give me ONE answer and stick with it! Do I get a medic-alert bracelet?Do I wait and let me be out and about one day and it DOES decide to grow and burst and no one knows why and I die!? Or do I go against the doctor's 'assessment' and get one just in case!? My hubby doesn't seem to understand the emotions that I am going through with this. He (for some odd reason -- odd as he never trusted doctors diagnosis' without some serious questions asked and a complete analysis in his own head over things. He usually would question and ask for further tests, etc. but not this time.... am I over reacting!?<br />
<br />
I started seeing an acupuncturist shortly after and while he has done some great work with alleviating the headaches/migraines, I do still have issue with headaches and sudden pains in my head. But I can live with them (and I guess I have to as no one wants to listen to me anyway! :|) He is also helping me with my depression and anxiety, but again in small amounts. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eoXWHkmEiAg/V1SqDkxB6HI/AAAAAAAACwc/Rtxxu_j-G_ksGs8j8jBxAD08xwFv3uuIQCLcB/s1600/depression-cloud.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eoXWHkmEiAg/V1SqDkxB6HI/AAAAAAAACwc/Rtxxu_j-G_ksGs8j8jBxAD08xwFv3uuIQCLcB/s200/depression-cloud.jpg" width="150" /></a>My depression is always with me. Kind of like that commercial where a black cloud is following a woman. I struggle with it daily... somedays its is hourly or even each minute. I feel like I can get through the moment and then all of a sudden... I wish I could just go home to my Lord. I get so tired of fighting the cloud. Somedays it is like it is trying to suffocate me. I wake up disappointed most mornings to still be here. I realize that my emotions are probably tied in with my 'non-diagnosis' ... but what to do with the feelings... I have no idea.<br />
<br />
I am not sure if anyone reads still but while I am thinking of it. Prayer for our Sammi would be awesome! He is so lost in the world. He is making crazy decisions, smoking not only cigarettes but weed and I am sure he is into more than that and he is drinking. He gets depressed and when he gets like that it scares the heck outta me, because I know what it is like to get to that point that he gets too sometimes.I pray and I try to always kept handing all my fears and worries back to Him and let God look after things, but I am human and things will creep back into my head ... But Sammi seems so lost and where he is finding 'himself' and 'acceptance' are not places where it is true or lasting. He allows himself to be lead astray but people who don't truly care about him -- which leaves those of us who DO love and care for him standing in a spot where we are hurt and trying to understand. I am scared of what will be the next thing he does or tries to try to find acceptance. I am scared of getting a phone call that he is hurt, in jail or worse. Sam is so much like my daddy that it truly scares the crap out of me. He is always there for everyone else, expects nothing from them and all at the expense of his health, bank acct., or life! Please pray for Sam if you remember! Thank you!<br />
<br />
Well that is all for this update. I am daily doing battle with that darn black cloud and wish I could talk to someone about it but anyone I have tried to talk to about it brush it off, say 'oh i get down too sometimes', 'what do you have to be depressed about?!' , blah blah blah.... if only i could just open my head and let someone see what is happening in there physically AND mentally....if only....<br />
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<br />Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-38304019037445974072016-01-05T15:03:00.000-06:002016-01-08T17:30:54.149-06:00God sure does have a wicked sense of humour!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In November, I started a new med for perimenopause and depression (a kind of two in one thing😆) and the third night I took it I woke up with a slight headache.... Until I reached the bathroom where I was going to get a Tylenol. Then BAM!! My head felt like it had exploded and was on fire! It was the worse headache I had ever had. I was able to call out to Dennis before I fell to the floor - where I am not sure if I passed out or not. I was hot and cold, my head was pounding, I couldn't talk or open my eyes... The. The heaving started - followed by Dennis getting me in the tub and was trying to cool me off because like I said, I felt like I was on fire! Some how Dennis got me back into bed where I again either passed out or went to sleep. I woke up the next morning with one of those migraine hangovers that takes a day or two to recover from.<br />
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We called the doctor because we were thinking that it was down to the medicine I was taking but she said no and called for a ct scan to be done. Then I promptly forgot about it. Head was gone, gave the pills another chance and issues with them. </div>
<div>
Fast forward to a week or so later and the doctor calls to say that they think they have found an aneurysm in the Circle of Willis in my brain; and another ct will confirm this. There was a lot of things said that pointed to possible coiling (a procedure to fix said aneurysm) and no travelling by plane for Christmas (we were planning to go to my moms in Southern Ontario). We had an appt with doctor before ct and told her again of the symptoms I experienced and some family history (I had a cousin die from a brain aneurysm a few years go). She assured us I was NOT a ticking time bomb and the next ct would give us more to go on. So we waited....and waited... And waited. In real time I had the ct on Thursday and got the results on the Monday but it felt like FOREVER! </div>
<div>
The second ct confirmed a small 2mm aneurysm and when the doctor called a specialist, she thought he sounded annoyed by her calling with such "a small aneurysm" because they would do nothing about it but they would see me anyway (since they get paid to see me - apparently what he said).i am also good to travel by plane now 😳 too. Which is nice so I can go see my mom, but does freak me out a bit! </div>
<div>
Now nice again we play the waiting game. Wait to hear from the vascular specialist, then wait for an appointment and I am sure a wait to,get results and see what they think. </div>
<div>
Now there is something about this that is a bit nice to know... I have headaches.</div>
<div>
All.</div>
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The.</div>
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Time.</div>
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It is just the severity that changes...<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9ISV1UQYGsc/VowplwaubQI/AAAAAAAACuM/WkYY-o8tFeg/s1600/circleofwillies.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9ISV1UQYGsc/VowplwaubQI/AAAAAAAACuM/WkYY-o8tFeg/s400/circleofwillies.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Circle of Willis -- My diagnosis-- <span style="background-color: #f6f7f8; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: start;">a small saccular bulging of the left anterior cerebral artery and/or the junction of the anterior communicating artery</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
UPDATE: so we heard from the neuro vascular at the Health Science Centre in Winnipeg before Christmas and I was told by my doctor that I was safe to travel by plane to visit my mom! We had a wonderfully marvellous visit with her!! I was so glad I could go. I have an appt with the Neuro on Jan 29th ... so it is still a waiting game. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
I ave joined an Annie (the short form/nickname for aneurysms) support group on FB and they have given me some support and advice for our appt. Number ONE is ask for a second opinion -- so if his annoyance continues with our appointment that will definitely be happening. Another thing I learned was that even though the doctors say there is no correlation to Annies and headaches, most people with them DO experience headaches similar to mine! so I was told to stick to my guns. (little does this specialist know I have been dealing with these kinds of doctors for 8+ years!) </div>
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I have still been having headaches and two times I have had toradol at the hospital. And I have been having just daily pains in the head which are vastly becoming a pain in the a$$. </div>
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I will try to keep things updates on here more.... but we will see.</div>
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on a humorous side note - when our son Isaac told his gf about the annie and we had the appt with the neuro the gf said (and I am SURE it was said with a smile) "What is it with your family and brain injuries!?" I laughed and that to myself... "does this mean I have to change my blog title to family of 4 survivors?" LOL -- You have to laugh or you will only cry! lol</div>
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Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-67442210254267499622015-10-13T11:49:00.001-05:002015-10-13T11:56:49.286-05:00there ain't no easy button...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I wish everyone knew more about Brain Injuries...<br />
<div>
I wish people would take time to learn about not just Brain Injuries but the person behind the injury was well...</div>
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I wish people wouldn't be so quick to find the easy button to "fix" Brain Injuries...</div>
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I wish that there WAS an "easy button" ...</div>
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..... oh how i wish there was an easy button....</div>
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As i write this we have had a crazy month or so (who am I kidding... its been a crazy 7+years!) with Sam. He moved out and got a 'real job' -- he is no longer on the farm and he rented a room on the second floor of a house about 40minutes away. </div>
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He loves his new job. He is working with construction, building buildings, pouring concrete, crawling through crawl spaces to put in stuff... I can't pretend to understand or even KNOW all that they do on the sites so I will just say he helps with building buildings.</div>
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We have had appointments with the neurologist, with his regular doc, with a surgeon AND with an epileptologist! </div>
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When we went for Sam's EEG the regular test was found to be normal but the stress test EEG showed as much seizure activity as when he was seizing, so the neuro sent us to an epileptologist. Now this doc seemed good in that he asked Sam what he wanted to do about this all. And Sam's response was to not be tuned into a zombie like before. The doctor then explained that for us its is not a matter of IF he seizes again, its a matter of WHEN. So as long as the EKG that Sam had done that same day shows up good, he will start taking an infant dose of a new med. HE is starting at the smallest dosage to make sure there will NOT be any side effect issues. According to the doctor the worst side effect is dizziness and it isn't an all day thing, just when he first takes it. SO if all goes well, he will slowly transition into an adult dose after a few months. (infant, toddler, child, teen, adult....) BUT there is one thing that is hard to swallow is that this is a very expensive medication so we are praying that the government will take the brunt of it. (lucky for me the doctors office will be the ones fighting for this NOT ME!) </div>
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Sam also had an appointment with our family doctor and we found out he has a lipoma on his back {medical info on that <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/lipoma/basics/definition/con-20024646" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">HERE</span></a>). And she sent him to the surgeon abut having it removed - that doctor said it was an urgent procedure and it was going to be removed fairly soon, it was most likely nothing BUT there is a chance it could be cancerous... BUT a small chance! (whew) We are still waiting to hear from them about when he is having it removed ... almost 6 weeks later. THEN he had his blood work done for the procedure and then he got a call back from the doctors office for him to come in because they found something in his blood work! So of course our thoughts go to cancer? diabetes? Why else would they call!?!?! It turns out his cholesterol was low.... nothing to stress about but it sure would have been nice to know this when they called that it was nothing major/serious.... </div>
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The reason I am filling y'all in on this, is that this is all STRESS on Sam's mind and after 2 medical appointments in one week (Monday and Thursday) Sam woke up on Friday throwing up and dizzy and not feeling so hot. He attempted to go to work and couldn't. He went home and slept almost of the day. He said he checked his pillow and there was no signs of a seizure... but I am wondering if he has been having them. I am going to keep track of his 'sick days' and see if there is a pattern -- as long as he tells us about them that is. </div>
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I really wish there was a way to explain this stress to family, friends, his employers (but not to get him special treatment) just so they could understand that he LOVES his job but when stresses that are in most peoples lives are easily dismissed or do not create an issue.... can create a HUGE issue in the brain of a BI Survivor. Right now Sam is stressing about medical stuff -if he starts these meds will he be out of it again? will he have to go to more appts? will he have to move home again?, which stresses him about work-- will they understand? will he lose his job? This creates another stress in his brain that he CANNOT control and comes out in the form of seizures.... so its a catch .22 How can we explain that his brain WILL shut him down even if he doesn't want too! His brain will cause him to sleep, be disoriented (not think straight), forget simple things, to stutter or lose track of words? </div>
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Why is it people will take a broken arm, a stroke, cancer and even epilepsy and look it up to see what all is involved but not for a Brain Injury to help the person!? What are people so afraid of!? Just because someone looks fine on the surface doesn't mean that there is a bigger picture under that surface! </div>
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But how long can someone keep a job when they have medical appointments, stress that causes other issues, possible seizures.... </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qdouPNUnMzg/Vh012PpLx-I/AAAAAAAACsM/-nLDerm5Whk/s1600/waiting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="131" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qdouPNUnMzg/Vh012PpLx-I/AAAAAAAACsM/-nLDerm5Whk/s200/waiting.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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We are hoping and praying for an appointment with the neuro psych to help him to deal with stress, but that appointment will be another long wait I am sure... </div>
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so in the mean time ... </div>
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we do what we do best... </div>
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we wait...</div>
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OH how I wish there were an easy button...</div>
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Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1949739958005211843.post-81751679557755977412015-09-27T19:34:00.001-05:002016-08-02T07:15:14.802-05:00Old friends are new again!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FAe-jt1Q550/VgiK_BRRixI/AAAAAAAACrk/Ra22cKdEtBg/s640/blogger-image--841947167.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FAe-jt1Q550/VgiK_BRRixI/AAAAAAAACrk/Ra22cKdEtBg/s400/blogger-image--841947167.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Rabbit and The Canadian Wheeler" - together again :)</td></tr>
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My daddy had some visitors a while ago! His "old buddy" Rabbit! (Rabbit was his CB handle and daddy was 'The Canadian Wheeler').<br />
Rabbit is the first vistor friend from daddy's past to come see him in YEARS! Daddy had such a huge smile on his face when he saw Rabbit come through the door! They laughed and Rabbit shared some funny stories with Dennis and I, and oh my did daddy laugh! He had tears running down his face! He remembered immediately who Rabbit was and knew his name! It was so beautiful to see daddy light up again! Thank you Rabbit and Tilly for the visit! I know daddy loved it and so did I! It was so fun to hear the goofy stories of you and Daddy when you were trucking! I rarely hear great stories of daddy unless I am telling them! This visit made my heart smile and it brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much!<br />
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Dennis & Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06202377203416505663noreply@blogger.com0