I am going to just say now that we are still without internet in our new home---agggggh! I typed this letter out and waited until I had free wifi to post this!
I have always known that guilt sucks but this past weekend it really hit hard...
This weekend a beautiful TBI caregiving mom had to make the hardest decision ever to make. She had to decide to take him off of life support. I cannot imagine what she had to go thru to get to that decision and then to not only follow thru with it but sit and wait while the child she gave birth to and raised, nurtured and loved as a baby and then toddler, helped to learn to ride a bike and go to school.... Then to live thru his quad accident in 2008 and again start over with all the teaching all the basics and learning herself how to adjust to a ‘new normal’.
Whenever I hear of the stories of survivors and caregivers struggles with their journey into surviving and continuing life as a Brain Injury survivor I struggle with guilt.
How come our Sam was able to survive a gun shot to the head when most children do not? How come he not only survived but thrives today? How come Dennis was able to survive a major truck/train accident and then go on to marry, have kids and live a life he loves? How come my dad was beaten up and lives but only as a quadriplegic with severe brain damage?
In the past few months I have had a friend, who as a kid back in the day, was very close to me, lose her young 6yr old son to brain cancer. I have read numerous accounts of others with children who have survived brain injuries to have a multitude of issues to live with on a daily basis! I have heard of stories of people who had lost their children to something that would have resulted in a Brain Injury...
It makes me cry every time I hear these stories. It breaks my heart to know that there are moms and dads out there that have to say goodbye to their sweet babies. How come we were so lucky? I am not saying I want to trade places with others, but why us and not them?
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On a more cheery note:
Bracelets are flying out of our house at a phenomenal speed and I made a post on a FB page the other night to see if anyone else in the TBI world would like some... Well within less than 24 hours I had 82 emails in my inbox and so many more responses on the post! I was OVERWHELMED! Then I started to read some of the letters and my heart broke and soared at the same time...I am trying hard to reply to emails as I can, but since we have no internet at home it is hard to do and my phone is waaaaaaaay over its limit usage on internet ... I am working hard to get the emails with addresses in them wrote out so I can get people bracelets but WOW! I am just absolutely gobsmacked at the requests!
I started with 1500 beautiful white and green bracelets this year and as of last Friday (May 31st) I was down to 450-ish. All the kids in our kids school were given one along with a write up in the school newsletter about BI, I have been sending bracelets out in the mail to everywhere, there are local businesses where I am refilling their baskets with bracelets every time I am in town and I have even had my bracelet removed from my arm so that a lovely lady could have one!
Brain Injury Awareness month has just basically started here in Canada and already 1000 people are becoming educated about BI’s. Now if we could only get it to a more global scale... maybe there would be less moms and dads having to make decisions that are too hard to imagine ... Maybe there would be more parents and other family members walking out of the hospital actually armed with knowledge of what to expect when they not only get home but what could occur in the near AND distant future! I hope that people are taking my challenge and educating themselves (and others) on the severity of Brain Injuries! Time will tell!
