from one end to the other

yep... with one its his head and the other its his posterior, his backside, his sittin place-- are you intrigued!?

We were finally able to get into see a doctor that would actually give us an answer as to why Josh had had so much trouble with sitting since spring...and the answer was...he broke his tail bone! Way back in APRIL!!!!!!!!! Just after we had reshingled the house he began to complain about how sore his tail bone was and how painful it was sitting, so we did the usual "what have you been doing", "you probably hurt it playing football" blah blah blah, "lets just give it a few days and it will probably be fine..." well it never did get to be "fine" so we went to see Dr. Chapman and he had thought it might be a "dimple" at the base of his spine(kinda like an extra fold of skin) and he sent us to a plastic surgeon in Wpg.... who disagreed with him and said it seemed to be more of a bone issue and sent us to another surgeon--but a orthopedic one...who took a fabulous xray, which revealed the broken bone! (whew-- that was a long winded story!) So now to make this long story just a bit longer, Josh has no idea as to how he broke it, but for the next few months he is to use a doughnut for sitting on to see if it will heal. If it is showing no improvement in 4-5 months we are to go back to otrhopedic doc and he will perform surgery and cut the bone out so it isnt so painful.
So we will see...
Now my big query is this: any suggestions as to how to get a 14yr old to use a doughnut in jr high?

sleeeeeeeeeeep.......zzzzzzzzzz

Sam and I were in Winnipeg on Thursday night for the sleep clinic. I found it amusing to call it a sleep clinic when that is the last thing that a person does! Ok well the last thing that I did. The whole process was over and we were "finalized" and ready for "sleep" aka bed by 10.30 pm-- so a half hour of trying to watch a movie (we never got to see the end of it --or the beginning for that matter due to Sam getting hooked up to machines-- since i turned out the lights at 11 and sent him off to la-la-land) As you can see from the pictures... Sam had a nice normal bed-- i had a chair that folded into a "bed"... sleep was a low commodity i tell ya.

We were supposed to be "kicked out" at 6 am but since we got such a late start with sleep and the tech's were waiting for the respirology lab to send up someone to do oxygen level tests on Sam's blood Sam was able to sleep in until 6.45 and the booted us out at 7.00 instead!

We were told that he had no episodes through out the night-- which is good but also kind of bad in the fact that if he doesnt have sleep apnea then why is he so tired and sore when he sleeps at night...does this mean we are going to have to have more testing done? So basically we are at square one again...stay tuned to this blog for future updates... (LOL I crack me up... i know i know i need to get some better material...)

So as for now until we hear more from the doctor we know no more than we did before we had our sleep over. I really hope that there are some answers to why Sam is so tired and sore all the time. Poor kid-- some mornings I would LOVE to send him back to bed...then follow suit by crawling back into my own!

i am still a work in progress... and i am ok with that! (are you?)

After my last post, i wrestled hard with myself on whether i should leave it there or remove it. But my husband says that when people ask how things are going with us now, tell them the truth, no"fine" so i decided to leave it posted. And in keeping with being me. I am sincerely sorry if i have hurt anyones feelings with it, but that is how I WAS FEELING! I am still a work in progress when it comes to life, but i am also entitled to my feelings!
With that of my last post being said, i did take a few positive steps myself and have found that I feel better for it and think that if people have issues with us (or me) then either talk about it or suck it up and get on with life! As we have learned this summer, life is too short to be spent worrying on stuff that we cant control! So on to new topics....

Yesterday we had another CT scan in Wpg and athe god news is that it was all clear of infection!! YAAAAY! (not that there was any before but all the small victories make each day smilier!:) i wish i knew how to mkae emoticons on here!) BUT the new news was that ONCE AGAIN we are not out of the woods. **sigh** We are now on a 6 month "wait" before we are clear of infection risks. (granted he will always have a small chance of risk of infection since there is a foreign object in his brain...) but in 6 months we will be the clearest we are going to be! WHOO HOO!!
So we go back in to Wpg in May for (i hope) our last CT!!! Sam and I may just have a small party on that trip! lol
There was a small side effect tho yesterday and it was due to the contrast they had in the IV that Sam had. After we left the hospital and headed to the mall for lunch, Sam felt sick after he ate and he had a pain on the left side of his chest and left arm the rest of the day and he was EXTREMELY tired all of a sudden. So we ended our shopping and headed home with a bottle of pepto, a cup of steeped tea and Sam's jacket as a pillow. We were intending to do some grocery shopping and just hanging out together but he was in no shape to do so. He slept all the way to Portage La Prairie and then dozed off and on til Austin. He was beat and white as a sheet. I felt so bad for him. He looked even smaller than usual.
This morning he went to school but was tired and ALOT grumpy, but i asked him to at least give it a go since there is no school tomorrow for the kids. He can sleep all he wants!

I am really enjoying being back to work too!I think my job has changed a bit in that I have a bit more responsibilty when it comes to the planning of the worship service (the powerpoint part i mean) I cant explain it but i will be doing more reading and a bit of studying and a whole pile of praying that I do the right thing when it comes to choosing scripture. I am going to enjoy the challenge i know and once i have things organized in my head and in the office I hope to have it running smoothly again-- well a girl can hop can't she!?

My new leaf is I am trying to stay smiling and positive!

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can tranform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

~Bob Hope~

another casuality...

No... no one is hurt, not physically anyway, but its seems like we have lost a few friends since July 29th. I am not sure why this has happened (friends for a season perhaps) but for me it hurts (I cant speak for Dennis).

How is it that something that is traumatic to my family, has caused people who we considered close friends to drift away while other friends that we not have expected it from have become closer? Are they scared that they will be asked to do something? Do they not care about us as a family (and some friends were just like family)? Are they worried that our "bad happenings(or luck)" will some how transfer to them? Maybe they are just dont understand what goes in our house now? Could it be that they think we are making a big deal of it all? Maybe the thought is that we some how deserve this-- that Sam and Josh deserved this? Or that we are bad parents for letting him"play" with guns? Or maybe it is just that they think my children are bad influences for this to happen? I would really like to know...

In reality, this summer has been a HUGE change for our family and yes we have had to cut back on some activities (not to mention spending since I was not working) that we did so that we could let our son heal . Things like going out (Sam still cant be left alone and it STILL makes us nervous to leave him with Josh), visiting at others houses (Sam's social problems tend to shine when we are out-- so til we can get a system with him it is difficult to relax and enjoy time out!), but we can have people over, they could phone or email. Now please dont think I am so self centered as to think that other people dont have lives and their own stuff going on, we have tried to reach out to friends and have been met with awkward coffees, no answers to questions, or follow up to phone calls and if there is things going on in their lives ... no one will say (granted if they are trying to spare us any other "worries" isnt friendship a give and take: if you are down and out I am here for you not matter what i am going thru at the time... maybe its just me...

Yes we were busy with appointments and visits. Yes we were keeping our heads down for a bit, but with it all we still relied on friends to help keep us from drowning in it all. Maybe for some that is just too much responsibility. Maybe people dont want to talk about it and that is ok (I dont want to talk about it sometimes too!) It is not the center of my conversations, but if someone asks I will talk about it!

I am at a loss and it wouldn't matter what the reason, it still hurts. And if I have said or done anything to cause these feelings I personally would like to know so I can apologize and try to make things right, but if it is due to other reasons... I wish people would talk more about what they think and how they feel because being ignored is more painful then the truth i think. Maybe it is just me and I am too sensitive or read to much into stuff. Maybe I expect too much from a friend...I wish someone would tell me because it hurts....alot.

and another few pounds...

I would LOVE to say that it is a another few pounds gone for me but it is for Sam! He has gained a few more pounds and is 12 away from being his weight of 112lbs on July 29th. So eat more he must (my best Yoda impression.)
Things here are going well I guess. Today was my first day back to work and to say the least it was quiet, but busy! I spent a good deal of time re organizing things and getting things straightened up on the computer and my desk...all of it with a pounding headache but I got it done.

We have meetings next week with teachers about Samuel (and possibly Josh) and what they see happening and how he is coping, new learning technique, etc. So we will see... that seems to be my "new" motto " we will see--one day at a time". Even though Samuel is in classes full time he has yet to make an entire week of school. Usually by wed or Thurs he is so tired and wore out that we keep him home and have him try to get caught up on his rest and a bit of school work. (I find i have to keep reminding myself AND Sam that we are just over 3 months even though it feels like years!

Everyone but me seems to be slipping back into a regular routine and I will get there too-- soon i hope! I havent spent much time since July with friends but that is my own fault. It is just easier to not have to talk to people, and anything i have to talk about seems to revolve around Sam. So here is hopin' that now that i am back to work that I will become a more rounded (and i am NOT talking in pounds) person (and i want to say again but I am not too sure if i ever WAS!)

I learned today that we are going to be seeing our Doctor every month for a long time (a year maybe) -- just like when Sam was a baby! lol He is great tho and seems to be one person who really understands what i am talkinga bout when I talk about what I see. And on Wed we head back into the city for (what i hope is the last) a CT scan. This one is a "biggie" and Sam will be slightly sedated so they can inject him with a dye to see how things are progressing. Our next rounds of appt will be possibly a 2 or 3 day stint in Wpg for neurologists and the sleep clinic.

I think that our postings here will be few and farther in between now that we are on to the "small steps" of healing but there is still healing none the less. Dennis and I see the "mini miracles" (whether others see them...) every day and every week. And it makes me so proud of him and all the he has accomplished! Samuel has definitely changed through all of this...some days it seems that it was not for the best, but then just like that -- kind of like when you have a colicky baby that cries for days and you want to do nothing but sit and cry ... then they look at you and smile and are happy for a few short but quiet moments-- that is what it is here quite a bit. But i will take it, because Sam is an amazing kid that is handling this with grace and humour and I find i am learning alot from him!