Thursday, November 13, 2008

i am still a work in progress... and i am ok with that! (are you?)

After my last post, i wrestled hard with myself on whether i should leave it there or remove it. But my husband says that when people ask how things are going with us now, tell them the truth, no"fine" so i decided to leave it posted. And in keeping with being me. I am sincerely sorry if i have hurt anyones feelings with it, but that is how I WAS FEELING! I am still a work in progress when it comes to life, but i am also entitled to my feelings!
With that of my last post being said, i did take a few positive steps myself and have found that I feel better for it and think that if people have issues with us (or me) then either talk about it or suck it up and get on with life! As we have learned this summer, life is too short to be spent worrying on stuff that we cant control! So on to new topics....

Yesterday we had another CT scan in Wpg and athe god news is that it was all clear of infection!! YAAAAY! (not that there was any before but all the small victories make each day smilier!:) i wish i knew how to mkae emoticons on here!) BUT the new news was that ONCE AGAIN we are not out of the woods. **sigh** We are now on a 6 month "wait" before we are clear of infection risks. (granted he will always have a small chance of risk of infection since there is a foreign object in his brain...) but in 6 months we will be the clearest we are going to be! WHOO HOO!!
So we go back in to Wpg in May for (i hope) our last CT!!! Sam and I may just have a small party on that trip! lol
There was a small side effect tho yesterday and it was due to the contrast they had in the IV that Sam had. After we left the hospital and headed to the mall for lunch, Sam felt sick after he ate and he had a pain on the left side of his chest and left arm the rest of the day and he was EXTREMELY tired all of a sudden. So we ended our shopping and headed home with a bottle of pepto, a cup of steeped tea and Sam's jacket as a pillow. We were intending to do some grocery shopping and just hanging out together but he was in no shape to do so. He slept all the way to Portage La Prairie and then dozed off and on til Austin. He was beat and white as a sheet. I felt so bad for him. He looked even smaller than usual.
This morning he went to school but was tired and ALOT grumpy, but i asked him to at least give it a go since there is no school tomorrow for the kids. He can sleep all he wants!

I am really enjoying being back to work too!I think my job has changed a bit in that I have a bit more responsibilty when it comes to the planning of the worship service (the powerpoint part i mean) I cant explain it but i will be doing more reading and a bit of studying and a whole pile of praying that I do the right thing when it comes to choosing scripture. I am going to enjoy the challenge i know and once i have things organized in my head and in the office I hope to have it running smoothly again-- well a girl can hop can't she!?

My new leaf is I am trying to stay smiling and positive!

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can tranform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
~Bob Hope~


Marianne said...

Keep on posting! I do try to keep up with the "news". Toss all the feelings you want in your blog - it shows you are human!
Sometimes others don't realize what you are going thru, especially if your answer is "fine". Some find it difficult to know what to do; don't know how to handle an uncomfortable situation. Think of Job - he lost everyone he considered a friend - its not until the chips are down; that is when you find out who your real friends are... sometimes its all just a misunderstanding too. They may be just as confused as you.
((hugs)) I am here, if that means anything. I wish I lived closer to you.
Keep your chin up! Your a fabulous gal!

jellyarmsrme said...

I read your posts and was thinking of how many people go through the same experience of losing friends after a family crisis/illness.

I agree with Marianne - part of it I think is uncertainty in the sense - that they're going to say the wrong thing, hurt your feelings, or that they feel uncertain of how to react or help.

Some people are probably trying to respect that you may not have much time for them right now.

The other part is often fear - it makes us afraid of what life will toss at us, how we would react, and that "this could be me" or that this isn't the person I once knew.

My MIL has so many of her friends used to rally around her. Now, when she is housebound, in a wheelchair and unable to feed herself, very few ever come to visit or keep in touch. My aunt lost a lot of friends when she was diagnosed with cancer as well.

It's a strange response from people we care about and lean on...but you will know who has that unconditional love for you and your family. Use that to fuel you on the rough days if you can.

Great big hugs hon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!