that GUT feeling...

I have been struggling again to post on here.
It seems some days as if there is so much going on and then in a flash it seems like it is silly to even write about it... I am not sure where or how to start...
or what to say...
But it feels like there is something brewing...
just that deep-down-in-my-gut-things-are-not-quite-right feeling that I hope is just 'Albert' (my stomach issue) and not something else.
I just got back from a weekend away at a friends house in Moose Jaw. I can't tell Dennis just how much I needed that trip.
I needed to be away from everything that is pulling me down in the atmosphere of our home... mostly because I can't explain it.
It is a strange feeling and maybe it is just me...
Everyone seems to be happy but there is something else...
So I do what I usually do and smile and trudge along with it...
I never once this weekend needed my cayenne pepper pills or the apple cider vinegar but as we got closer to the border my stomach started acting up... and it was such a surprise that it did. Well sort of.... I did take an apple cider vinegar tea for the road in anticipation of something but honestly the ride was so nice and relaxing (I had Hannah gurl with me) that I really didn't think I would need it...
BUT
I did...
I felt that ball...
deep in my stomach...
a tightening in my chest...
I had to resist the urge to cry quite a few times...

I am tired of this feeling
I don't know what to do any more
for anyone
let alone me