Friday, May 18, 2012

Like living with a drug addict

Sam coming off this Keppra is not pretty. He has his highs and lows. The doctor explained it to us on Wed that when he is 'high' it is his brain searching for the drug in his system and then when it can't find it he crashes... just like someone on drugs. He has good moments and bad ones. He is up and down. He has rational thots and then the irrational ones follow. He is working hard to not lash out but there are times where he does.

So yesterday morning Sam woke up and wanted to go to school - he said to work on school work but I think part of it was to get away from here for a bit - which I dont blame him. So we let him go. (mind you I was worried about it because of the highs and subsequent crashes) BUT (yes that is a big but) we are trying to let him have a normal life ...and normal teens go to school... so we let him go.

I called the school ahead of time to let them know what was happening and spoke directly to his teacher. "he is going to probably on make it to noon. If he starts going really fast, touching everything and talking amile a minute he is on a high. He will crash and he will be very hard to understand, he will be tired, unco-ordinated and just generally "out of it" He also has woods at second period so please let the woods teacher know that he is NOT to operate any machines'. The teacher indicated that he understood and would look after him. (I also left a message for the woods teacher with this same info)

Well Sam got to school and didnt know what day it was (on the timetable -- and due to a mix probbly of the drugs, head injury and most likely pride didnt ask anyone) so he went to work in the library. This is where the teacher found him, got some work from him and left him for the rest of the morning.... Joshua went to  Sam's classroom to check on Sam before lunch to see how he was feeling and to se if he wanted to go home or not...
... there was no Sam  and Josh was told by the teacher that he had left him in the library this morning. SO Josh went looking for him, only to find the library empty. After a quick search of his usual areas of sitting in the school, Josh couldnt find Sam and so he texted me this info. I told him to have Sam paged by the office, only to have no Sam turn up.  Josh was worried and now so were we. We got a text he was with his ex gf but that quite a few teachers had seen him and thot he looked glassy eyed and not 'with it'. The janitor had said he had seen him and Sam was talking but not making any sense as he was leaving the school...
Josh by this time had called me and I left to go and help find Sam, the school called the ex gf parents to get them to call her to make sure that they came back to school (she told Sam she had a spare but was supposed to be in classes) She told her mom  that Sam was not with her! This caused the school to have to call the RCMP and report him missing because of the meds issues.... Sam said he didnt know that someone was looking for him and he didnt know what time it was (he doesnt wear a watch).
Josh then went with some teachers and other students looking for Sam on and around the school grounds to see if he had seized somewhere and was on the ground.
By this time Sam was crashed for quite a while and starting to go into survival mode. He was wild and glassy eyed, staggering, incoherent, hot and tired. We still didnt know that Sam had been with the ex gf,  so we started to question where he had been... and he told us "he wanted to talk with her and since she had a spare and he didnt have any classes, he didnt think..." I know he just wanted to be with someone to listen to his problems, and she probably wanted the same thing too but it was gone about in a totally wrong way.  (it was then that they asked me who does Sam talk to about things!?!?! OMG what the hell do you people think I have been trying to do the last few years!? For starters he was supposed to be talking with the school counsellor but the counsellor was always too busy!)
Sam told me when we left the school that she told him to tell a story to the school and us about why they were where they were and he couldnt remember what she had told him to say... he was confused then about what all had happened (he has a hard time with remembering the truth and what his day is forget abouat adding lies to try to remember)
Through all this Josh was in full gear panic. When he had called me he was close to tears, when I saw him at school he was white as a sheet. I told the office that when I took Sam home that I was also taking Joshua and they agreed it would be OK. Josh proceeded to tell me lots of 'behind the scenes' stuff that occurred thru this all on our ride back home. It wasnt pretty.
Sam is home now and his locker has been cleaned out at school and he will finish out this year at home and until these drugs are sorted out with the doctors.

Now the part about it all that really ticks me off is that when we got Sam back to the school, the onus of all of this was put on Sam.... not the teacher who was supposed to be helping, not the school for not informing staff of what was happening (I am sure the ex gf will get a helping of blame from the school) but it was all on Sam and what he could have done to have not gotten into this mess in the first place...
I could see it if he was a normal teenager, I could see it if I had not given them a heads up about this, but i HAD informed the school of what would happen and how to take steps to take precautions.
I know that some people will put the blame on me: "well why did you let him go to school if he is like this?" my answer is because I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. We are constantly being told by everyone to let him be a kid! We DO let him be a kid, we ENCOURAGE him to be a kid, we WORK HARD to make sure he is living as normal as possible life. Going to school IS normal (the school told us to make sure that when he had days of feeling like going to school let him go...) we let him go.
I take part of the blame because I have that catch .22 thing going on in my head about letting him be a normal teen .... but he is not a normal teen in some respect.
Sam takes part of the blame because he was acting like a normal teen
but what blame is the school taking for essentially 'losing' our kid at school?
What blame is the ex taking when she took him off of school property in the condition he was in?
ast night our phone didnt ring. There were no follow up calls from the school board, form the RCMP, the ex's parents, nothing.
So I am guessing Sam is taking the brunt of it all ... and all I want to say to them all is "where have you all been the last year? what have I been telling you? Did ANYONE listen when I called this morning and explained what to watch for?"

Now to top it all off, when they asked about who does Sam talk with I had to explain about our trips to Winnipeg to the psychologist and our trying to find help but not finding any. I am still waiting for a call back from the Health Unit from a counsellor there that was trying to set us up with a psychologist near by but I have not heard from her (and the health units phones are down right now -- sigh)So I called him myself and left a message and have not heard back from him either. Our psychologist in Winnipeg is going on Mat. leave in mid June... and the psychologist in Neepawa is retiring... so tell me where in the hell does that leave us!? I am busting my butt trying to find us help (as a family and as individuals) and everyone says "oh not here! go to......" sigh
I am tired and left feeling very raw thru this all...

1 comment:

Marianne said...

Jodi you did everything RIGHT... It is NOT Sam's fault either... I fully blame that teacher - the teacher was told and was aware and took on full responsibility with your phone call.
As for the EX - she is just incredibly imature and probably a good thing she's an EX.
Its amazing how ppl cloud things over and pass the buck...
Sadly, it doesn't matter where you are you probably would have recieved the same treatment in a different province and a different school...
I truly wish I had an answer for you.