Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Can Christmas be over?

i am feeling increasing overwhelmed with Christmas and life in general. I am normally a huge fan of Christmas and all that goes with it, but not this year. I just want it all to be over with and life to return to whatever normal I can find. Between our spring, Sam and Dwayne I am finding it very difficult to be "merry"-- I just want Christmas to be over.I have to force myself to be socialable. (those who know me-- know that i am a VERY socialable person). I cant explain it ... just not me.

And, apparently, Albert (my ulcer) and I will be together for another year. Yesterday at the doctor (our monthly visit to see one of my favourite persons in town) he told me that I am still producing alot of acid in my stomach due to the stress that still has a hol on our household. (i guess then that he (Albert) and I will have a long and not very happy life together-- when is there never stress!?) So another year of med's to try to control him and possibly "divorce" him by next year.

The doctor is also going to have Sam go for another round of sleep clinic and we have to keep a dream journal for him (Sam not the doctor). Sam has never been one to talk of his dreams. He says he never remembers them, so maybe this is why the poor kid is so tired all the time. So we will see. he had a very emotional morning today and i was in tears as he left for school. He says he doesnt know what is wrong but he just feels down. he says there is no trouble or anything at school, so i am not sure. Hopefully when we get in to Wpg to see the "head doctor" (no not the neurologist either) she may have some useful tools for us to use to help him. It is heartbreaking for me. I just want to keep him home and let us both cry it all out til we are bone dry and cant even spit.

I have been extrememly emotinal myslef these days. I made an idiot of myself last Thursday by crying about some paper work for Sam that i forgot to mail. And i was at work... I find that i am crying at the stupidest times and for the dumbest reasons, commercials, songs, and not the sappy ones...just for no reason. So i have made an idiot of myself on a few occassions i guess...just not prepared to name them all.

Tonight is the Ladies Banquet at the church and I am in charge of the program. I shose to decorate in the Winter Wonderland theme, and found a great poem about snowflakes and uniqueness and thanks to God for the differences in snowflakes and in each person. Then there is a skit about "how to mke the perfect Woman" and how we are all unique and perfect in our own way... there is no recipe for THE perfect woman-- just perfection in God's eyes. It all tied together really well i think considering i took ideas from about 3 or 4 other programs. Then i had some awesome friends that offered to help me to decorate and sut up. They all showed up last night after supper to help and (again i wanted to cry... I never expected the extra help-- but God knew that I needed it!) the men helped to set up a background for photos to be taken. The whole overall effect is amazing! Thank you so much for all the help Barb, Rick, Harris, Jenn and my wonderful husband, Dennis. you have no idea how much it all meant to me last night!


Marianne said...

Jodi you sound burned out, tired and overwhelmed. It sounds like your taking on too much burden again. Don't worry about things unless they actually happen. don't second guess. At 13 boys go thru hormonal changes and with Sam's added trauma he is going to react stronger. With a great mom like you he is going to come out of it a strong young man.
Take some time for yourself (I know its not always easy) but try.
You my dear need some BIG (((HUGS)))) a hot cup of tea and and some uplifting spirits.
I am so glad you have crossed my path in this life journey. you my dear are worth it - only tears allowed are happy tears!
Have a VERY merry christmas whether your in the spirit or not. :)

Missy said...

I love how you "name" things...Albert, Alice...its cute!

Still reading........