just not there yet...

I am not too sure why but I am not in a "Christmassy" mood yet this year. I have my Nativity scenes out, and I know it is not the main reason of Christmas- but i have done most of the shopping, I have been listening to music and blah blah blah and all that jazz, but i am just not there yet. I honestly can say that if Christmas were to be over tomorrow I would be ok with that. OUr tree is not up (which for those of my friends and family who know me-- know that I BEG Dennis to let me get it up the last week of Nov and hold out to the first of Dec) But i even told him that I was ok with NOT having a tree or anything. I am working hard on trying to make things happy and cheerful for the kids but I really would love to skip it this year and crawl into bed for a good loooooong sleep!
We were at Mom's this weekend and got her tree up and her house decorated and it looks fabulous--even that didnt help to move my spirits. I think that it is just maybe too much for me...not sure. A friend who went thru a pretty traumatic and stressful summer and I were talking and i wonder if she didnt hit the nail on the head when she said that possibly we (she and I) were experiencing PTSD (post traumtic stress disorder) I know we are supposed to keep an eye on the boys for it (not too sure what it 'looks' like...) so maybe I am. I know that we have way too much going on and we are (Dennis and I) ready for a winter hibernation ...lol..but then who isnt...

I have one thing I am a bit excited over and it is about Sam's birthday. I cant say anything else tho incase he reads this OR someone else tells him about it--but rest assured he is going to love it!And THAT i am happy/excited about.

Sam has been really tired alot lately. Too the point where he is ready to sleep at 5.30pm, he is sleeping in longer in the mornings, and is just plain beat. I was worried he was coming down with something last week as he had a slight temperature and was white, but a day at home resting on the couch helped him to feel better. (we are not out the woods with fevers and infections...so he needs to stay healthy!) In a meeting with the teachers at school they all seemed to feel he was back to his normal self, and sometimes I see it too, but then comes the majority of the days where he is quiet, tired and withdrawn. I wonder if he is putting SO MUCH energy into "being normal" that it is what is wiping him out everyday. I watched him on Friday at my mom's while we decorated the tree, and he put on a few decorations and then just sat in the chair or laid on the couch and watched. I brought tears to my eyes when i watched him, because my bouncy energetic Sam was not there with us. I miss that Sam.