one year

one year ago tomorrow my sweets called me to ask me to go and pick up sam from the hospital because he had hit himself in the head with the scope of the .22-- and our whole world came to a crashing halt-- for 4 days at least. as i type this i am trying to not cry and i have butterflies in my stomach over the memories of that day.
i thank God everyday for all that we endured and experienced over the last 354 days. i do ask 'why?' sometimes and when i get up there and He and i sit and talk, i will know all the reasons why. for now tho i will be happy with the thoughts that He knew i needed sam more.
tomorrow i will be driving to winnipeg for a different reason. my cousins daughter, jade, is flying out from TO to stay with us for 2 weeks.
the last few days i have ran a gamet of emotions over alot of changes happening in our little corner of the world. first we got a new vehicle. a 2009 Chev Traverse, it was totally unexpected but we are now driving a new SUV(i have never owned a new car b4). Next we have been able to finally make it public knowledge that we are moving. We are moving to be clser to my mom. Right across the road to be exactly closer... we are moving into an old century farm house...that needs ALOT of work before we move in. the last shock was that dennis wants to move in by aug 29....which means i need to not only get this house finished with its projects this week, but i need to get up to my moms to work on that house by next week so i can start stripping wallpaper, painting and flooring!
so my emotions have gone totally crazy these days. trying to stay sane and in control of myself -- so tomorrow may be not so much.
i told dennis and sam that we should make his new 'birthday' july 29 (his birthday is dec16 and we rarely are able to have a party since it is so close to Christmas) that way it would be a new spin on the date. i think i will do something special for dinner for sam tomorrow and get a cake or something for dessert so it is a psotive day for us!

RIDER PRIDE and awesome people!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY back in May (on the 13th actually) when we took Sam in to the neuro-surgeon at the Children's Hospital(our last one to see him for!! yippee) we started talking to a man and his wife who were waiting in the waiting room with us for thier daughter to see a doctor. The man started a conversation with us over Samuel's Rider hat... assuming we were from Saskatchewan. We told him we were from Neepawa and he shared how he knew some people in Neepawa.

In our conversation we told about how we got Sam's hat signed, how we thot Samuel had lost it, etc. and life in general but nothing was ever said about the reasons for us being at the doctors. I think there might have been something said about an accident, but somehow we were talking about the Ronald MacDonald House and how our Pastor got us in there.

Well the next day or 2 this man was extremely busy!He started calling the Roughrider's in Saskatchewan and then started calling around in Neepawa to find out who our Pastor was and who we were. Once he ahd found Pastor Dean, he told him about meeting us at the Hospital and then was told about our story. That was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in May. This man kept in contact with Pastor Dean and recently a package arrived at the church for Sam....

And last night Pastor Dean and Pam (his wife) came over for dinner and a visit and brought a bag of goodies for Sammi!Inside the package there was a Grey Cup Championship Hat signed by Eddie Davis (defensive back), a flag signed by the majority of the team, a scarf signed by a bunch of the team, a pom pom, and a card from the events co-ordinator that told the story about how they came to know about Sam and that if we are in the area of Saskatchewan, they would like to treat him to a game-- just give them a call! It was amazing!

When I first learned about the man (all we know is his name was Terrence) I called Dennis at hoome and had such trouble getting the story out to him since I was crying, Dennis was speechless and the whole thing made both of us just stop and be in total amazement of people that God has put in our lives even if just for a few minutes.

We will be writing to the Riders to thank them, and framing the scarf and maybe the flag. We are still in shock ... reading the card again and I am still amazed at people and what they wildo for people that they dont even know!

I know that Terrence will not read this but I have to say it anyway:

Thank you so much Terrence. You have put a huge smile on Sam's face that will be there for a while which means we have smiles on our faces too! Thank you!

People like Terrence are part of the reason why I started this blog and the biggest reason why I titled it visibleangels....

TBA

watch this web space for a really really cool update and hopefully with pictures to adorn the page too! cant wait to share it with you all!

Hormones, attitudes and cabins.... oh my

Well we have been and gone to Wpg for Sam's psych eval and all is good. Things are normal the doctor figured and there is no need to worry about PTSD with him. There were a few areas that she was looking at and Sam was dealing with things in those areas very well.
1. He is able to talk about the accident.
2. He is able to shoot a gun again.
3. He is able to watch movies and not get agitated with violence or certain scenes.
4. He is not suffering from nightmares.

But it was suggested that Josh goes for some counselling. So now to talk to him about it and see how things are with him. He seems to be handling things ok but Dr.Sam thinks it would be good to just be sure.
We have to go back to see her in Oct when we take Sam in for his (hopefully last) appointment with the neurologist--Dr.Goldberg, just so she can talkto how he is handling the new school routine (Sam will be in highschool) and see that things are still progressing smoothly.

Things here otherwise right now are good...but saddly i have to admit it is because Sam is not here. He is at grandma and grandpas until Wed. I hate saying that, but it is true. there is no stress about if he is in a good mood or just in a mood. he has taken to being fairly miserable with me of late and picking fights with the other kids. We have gotten his days somewhat organized to the point of daily chores and wake up times break times but he is still 'out of sorts'.
But then add to this that Hannah is starting to hit puberty and the hormones are kicking in with her. Somedays I really wonder if I will survive this motherhood thing. If it isnt Sam having one of his moments, it is Hannah with hers! Girls are most definitely different from boys! I am going to be having to sit down with her soon to have the 'talk' about 'gurl stuff'.

I am not sure what is going on with me lately either-- i am back to somethings sitting there just under the surface. I cant pinpoint it but there is something there...might just be exhaustion, or frustration... it is just that feeling of a blanket over my head and not quite up to speed on anything...always a few steps behind everyone. Not exactly getting the punchlines... i have been praying about it but nothing so far in the way of enlightenment OR of it going away.

Dennis has booked a night in Winnipeg when we are in for the Rod Stewart concert and then he also booked us 2 nights at a cabin in the Whiteshell Provincial Park for our anniversary. No kids, no work, no phones, no nothing for 3 whole days! Just me, Dennis, a cabin and one night of Rod Stewart!! Our anniversary is July 31 but we will be busy with kids and company so we just postponed it until Aug 17-20. Last year we were in Wpg with Sam and the best gift ever was him waking up in PICU and asking if i brought him a coffee... lol nothing will ever top that but this year will be great too ... 16 yrs!

when can i be dad...

tomorrow morning sam and i are on the road again to winnipeg for another psych eval. for him. he is not too impressed with this and this last week (all two days of it) he has been just miserable with me for the most part whenever i talk about the wpg trip.
i picked the boys(josh and sam) up from my moms yesterday and for the first hour everything was good, then the good mood stopped and the miserable, grouchy, unliveable side arrived. he was mouthy, rude, disrespectful and extremely foul mood-ed ( i know there is no word-- but nothing else would work). and it was one of those literally blindsided moods that when they hit they are totally shocking and unexpected (hence the blindsiding) and they turn the whole house on its ends. i just couldnt wait for dennis to get home from work and (being extremely honest here) was ready to ship him off to anywhere--then i looked at him and saw the fatigue. then the guilt set in... but frustration also did...how come the fatigue was 'saved' for me and not for granni?! how come i get to be the dumping ground for everyones garbage?how come even tho i am the one going to bat for them (and of course it isnt just sam here) and trying to make sure they get good times and happy memories ... i get the crap attitudes. dad gets a bit too--but i get the major brunt. makes me wish i was the dad some days!
and now i get the job of getting sam up early (6am to be on the road for 6.45), driving to winnipeg and then taking him to the doctor and keeping him on an even keel and in good spirits.

sigh

Camping

We have been and home again on our first camp trip of the year. The last few years (about 5 or so) we have gone camping with friends for the Canada Day weekend (usually involving at least 3-4 days) and this year we went to Spruce Woods-- Kiche Manitou for our annual trip! the weather once again was wonderful and hot, the time spent with friends was fabulous, the food was fantastic and time with the family was festively fantabulous! (ok that one was a stretch...)

We got to the park on Sunday, on Monday we walked to the Devils Punch Bowl (this is at the Spirit Sands -- a natural desert in Manitoba) where we walked for a minium of 7 km (at least 2 of those were spent carrying poor short legged Dixi dog!) and it is where i also took a massive amount of photos of the natural flora and fauna there! I so enjoy taking my pics-- as my family will attest too i am sure! Sam was tired thru this journey -- but tehn we all were! lol

Our next adventure was the beach (where i stayed safely on the beach -- not making it to the water) followed by Canada Day being filled with not only a bike clinic at 1 but a bicycle scavenger hunt all over the camp grounds! Now those of you who know Kiche Manitou will understand that when i say it was a workout... it was a workout! We were in Bay 8 (at the top of the hill) and we needed to bike up and down the hill to get to the interpretive centre, the beach, the store for ice cream, our camp site.... the scavenger hunt.... Team Ginter made an awesome go of it tho! We did the whole hunt in about 45 minutes and Sam had to call it quits at the last 15 minutes or so. I sent him back to the site for ashower and a rest. He was beat!

All in all it was a great weekend and we all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves-- waiting impatiently i guess for our next adventure!

the kids all got their report cards and for the year we have had athey were all fairly good. Isaac got not only all A's and A+'s but he won the class award for most kind! Hannah did very well also, getting great marks and such nice accolades written about her from her teachers! Josh and sam's marks were not stellar but we know they gave their best and worked hard--and that is all taht matters to us! So as of September Hannah will be in grade 5 (still at HMK), Isaac grade 7 (moving on to NACI-- jr high) and Josh and Sam will both be in NACI high school end in grade 9. I am amazed at how fast they grown and how time just flies by with them! I get teary when i think on it too long...

This week Sam and I are off to Wpg for another Psych Eval. this time for PTSD (I hope) and to see how he is coping. The Dr. is Dr. Samm...LOL Both Dennis and I noticed taht exams really wore Sam out. He was fatigued and did 'sun down' the last 2-3 weeks. So now we are in the process of trying to get him rested again-- but he started work with my mom this week too but luckily for us she understands that he needs to rest (next year his goal is to get a 'real' job with an employer that is not family). But for anyone interested in an itouch for a PDA--I would highly recommend it. We are getting one for Joshua too this fall as Sams works for him (and the rest of us too) very well! (I still am yet to have my own!lol) The audio reminders for him is better than me 'nagging' him to do stuff and he will do it with a smile more than if it is me asking... so it was well worth the investment for us! (and we bought it refurbished from itunes-- so even better that it was cheaper!)

Well i hope that summer is finding everyone rested, relaxed and enjoying nice weather with family and friends!