My son the 2nd back...

I havent updated in a bit and I was honestly starting to think that I would soon be closing this chapter of our life as it seems that things are where we are going to be and there doesnt seem to be much to update anymore these days... then football season started and Sam joined the team. I have been to practices and am going to be brutally honest hernd say that it was so hard to not cry as I watched him walk on the field and then line up for plays. He is so much smaller than the other players at 5'7" and only about 115lbs (if we are lucky!) and not to mention that he is also the youngest on the team at 13yrs. I have been trying to get him to eat a bit more as he is so thin and "breakable" looking but he isnt a big eater. I am thinking about maybe just getting him to drink protein shakes or meal replacements to help him. The doctors say not to worry about his weight but as he gets taller he is getting thinner-- not too great for football or my nerves!

Last night I sat in my van and watched and worked very hard at holding back tears of fear and trepidation as he ran, was tackled and -- much to my relief-- got back up to do it all again. I am glad that I was the only parent there at the time and that I was in the van, with not only the engine running and the radio playing so that no one could hear my cheering him on and clapping for him and choking on my tears. I am so proud of how far he has come and where he is at now but then it hurts my heart to see him out there with boys that are not only older and bigger than him but the intent is to drop him like a stone... i am trying to get over all this before his first game so I dont make a fool of myself (or him). Then Sam tells me that he has been getting pains in his head (he describes them as shooting pains that last for a few minutes and then go away) when he is playing -- we have our next appt with the neurologist in mid-Oct and with our family doc at the beginning of Oct(these pains are normal and had all but stopped until now)... so i have been telling him that if they get worse we may need to go see the doctor and if he sees stars or any pain after being tackled we will have to get him to the doctor too... He is totally agreeable with this and then ...

this morning he is so over tired and very mean to me and I wanted to tell him that football is just not worth it to me. It is a fight to get him up, fed and out the door without him picking fights with his siblings over their spoon making noises in the bowl (he is sensitive to noises alot of the time now) or that someone has eaten the last of the cereal, bread, fruit, etc that he was planning on eating or that ask him to take his laundry to the laundry room. I know these sound like normal teenager stuff but the injury makes everything that much worse and my days are subsquently starting on a bitter, and sometimes down right nasty, note.

That has been our house the last little while... I prayer things get settled in and to our next new norm...