Thursday, October 6, 2011

Grab some tissue first!!

  • This was a post from a follow mom with a child with epilepsy and I wish I had had the warning of a tissue... sigh. I don't actually believe this is how God chooses who parents who, but after the day I had yesterday and the week before this it made me ... well first tears ran then the sobs came... so I will let you read it then  I will ramble.

    (don't forget to have the kleenex near by -- justin case it isnt just me!! Dont say I didnt warn you...)

    Special Mother

    by Erma Bombeck

    Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice,
    a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

    This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.
    Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

    Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for
    propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs
    His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

    "Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

    "Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."

    "Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."

    Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

    The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."

    "Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does
    not know laughter? That would be cruel."

    "But has she patience?" asks the angel.

    "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."
    "I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare
    and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has her own world.
    She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

    "But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that.
    This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"

    God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive.
    Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
    She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied.
    She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'".
    She will never consider a "step" ordinary.
    When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"

    "I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".

    "And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

    God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."


    I definitely see me in this story... I am limited on patiences these days and I am selfish. I wish this were all a bad dream that I would wake up from and Sam would not have a TBI, my dad were with me again and my life would not be so all encompassed in doctors appointments, hospital visits, worried mornings, new meds, new med schedules, stomach issues on my behalf...
    But then I guess without all this going on I would not have to lean on God so much, I would not have met all the wonderful amazing people in our lives now and I would not have had the opportunity to spend the time with Sam that I have. sigh.... pass the kleenex again please...

    Yesterday we were in Winnipeg for Sams Neuro-psych appointment. We were with the doctor and her resident for 2 hours! Yes TWO hours! We filled them in on everything from the past almost 3 years since we last seen the doctor and all that has and is going on. They have decided that they need to do some retesting with Sam for cognitive behaviours (which might help us with the school) and they want to help give Sam some daily tools to use which hopefully can help with stress, life, 
    anxiety, etc. 

    Sam and I will be in Winnipeg for a week when this happens but because he is on so many meds right now and they are changing on a weekly basis, the doctor wanted to talk to one of her colleagues about whether or not we should wait until things are settled down with that before we try anything else new. I understand that this could help Sam but if we have to wait it will most likely be in the New Year before we get back to it, then the school year is almost half over and the help we were looking for will be too long in coming ... again! 

    I want to say we are excited for this but in reality we dont get excited about much anymore in regards to the doctors. They tend to get our hopes up and then dash them. So it is day to day living again for us. Honestly I am tired of doctors telling us that we are right, that something needs to be done, then they leave us hanging for ages or what they 'do' for us is nothing newer than what we have been doing. 
    Dennis and I have found that the best strategies we have worked with are the ones WE have found on OUR OWN without the doctors help. And then when we tell them what we are doing they agree it is right and take all the credit for the work we have done when talking with others! 

    And as I say this about doctors we HAVE met with some amazing ones! Our new family doctor is Dr. N and he is FABULOUS!! We are off to see him today (yes another appointment for us) because of this new development with Sam ...

He is getting holes in his finger nails. I think it may have something to do with his meds as a side effect... maybe a vitamin deficiency, since one of the side effects of one of the meds is brittle bones (maybe why he fractured his ankle this fall) So we will see today. I have asked this question of other moms with kids that have epilepsy and they seemed to think the same thing.

I am so tired these days. Dennis and I have started taking B12 for energy, I am still going to curves (not making much movement in the weight loss area), I have been reading a bit more but I have not really picked up my camera at all. I miss it. I miss taking photos and playing with them. I think I might take our family pictures this weekend while there is still a bit of colour out there! 

I will be posting soon too the pictures  and a bit about David McGuire! Watch for it!

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