Saturday, November 12, 2011

I thot burn outs were for light bulbs?!

Burnt out?
Me?
nope?
not really...
well...
maybe a bit...
yes I am tired...
but isnt everyone?
I know I need to take time for me...
but where do I find it in the day?
I am trying...
really...






I read an article the other day about caregiver burn out
I never gave it a thot...
but now I am out of commission ...  to a point
I am on the couch
leg up on a pillow
and told to 'rest it'
I have stretched or tore (something) to my right ACL (which was reconstructed a few years ago) and it looks like my left one could be on its way out too.

After reading the article/letter it was like walking into a brick wall.
This is our life.
Both Dennis and I work hard with the farm, the kids, the kids activities, our parents (there are 4 separate groups of them!), and then add in there that 3 of our members are brain injury survivors.
We struggle with Sam and his issues daily, I do what I can for my dad but thankfully there is the care home to really work with him. But then there is Dennis. Most people dont realize he has an injury but he does and he is so much more like Sam then he wants to admit. I have trouble talking to him about his issues because he IS so much like Sam. Telling him this tho is almost not an option.

So I keep on going (kinda like the energizer bunny)
now I am on my chair with my leg up...

I am physically done (for now) and emotionally I am at the end of my rope and that proverbial knot is slowly starting to unwind. But there is no where or no one for us to turn to for help. Our family options are nil. We went to them a few months back and got no where... so we keep going. We have no really close friends either to ask for some help. And everyone is busy and has their own things to deal with so why would  I burden them?

So...
I keep going.

I feel resentment from my household now that I am suck with my leg up. I feel like they are upset because I am not able to do what my 'job' is as caregiver. Even tho I do what I can (and to be honest I do a lot of what I am not supposed to do -- cuz if I dont who will!?!) their resent meant and attitude make me somedays want to pack it all in and do a run away and let them all deal with it ALL on their own.

But I won't ...
where would I go?

2 comments:

Caregiver said...

Jodi, after my fourth visit to stay in the hospital for serious health crises I began to learn this lesson. I hope it sticks. I wish you the best in your resting and slow recovery. You are an angle for all you do. Have to walk a mile in your shoes to know the pain you go through. Hug and REST! gin

Marianne said...

Jodi if u can't look after yourself you won't be able to look after them. They aren't little any more and doing things for themselves and for you only teaches them responsibility. Which is a good thing! I always told my kids even the Queen has a bathroom to clean so get to it! Lol.