Wednesday, April 18, 2012

so not a good day...

It sure feels lately like we have ben having more ‘off’ days than ‘on’... and not just with Sam. 
Everyone seems to be out of sorts or just not themselves... and I for one am exhausted. 
Between the medicine side effects and the brain injuries causing issues to teen drama and ‘relationships’  to medical problems am ready to jump ship and head for shore.
Yesterday I took Isaac to have his hearing tested and it seems that (by the test results anyway) his hearing is that of a 90yr old man in one ear. 
Isaac is 14... this is not good.
We are going to be going to another audiologist and according to the man we spoke to yesterday, he assumes it will be sooner rather than later due to his age and the test results. So off we will go to more appointments with specialists.
Sam has been forgetting meds,  missing classes at school (and not while he has been at home) and then this morning when we called him on staying up late texting on his iPod (which is NOT supposed to be in his room at night) he decided to go back to bed this morning and then miss school some more. He says we treat him like a child and when we give him the chance to act mature, he drops the ball and blames us. We are on a vicious treadmill right now with his attitudes. We are basically damned if we do and damned if we don’t. We make rule changes and he agrees with them, he makes new rules and we agree to them, then he does whatever he wants. 
typical teen behaviour.... ya ya ya
I know... but there is a pattern to this behaviour. Sam gets tired and he forgets his meds. He forgets his meds and he cops an attitude. We remind him to take his meds we are treating him like a child. We remind him of the doctors suggestions and we are babying him. We DON’T remind him, we don’t care. We give him an iPod to use with alarms to remind him to take meds, exercise, do things for himself... he turns the volume off and uses it only to texts, email and do other things. He texts inappropriate things to people, he is up all hours of the night .... which comes back around to being tired, missing meds, getting grouchy and irritable -- this results in missed school and classes, falling behind and taking a full year to do courses that should only take 1/2 a yr. 
He claims he wants to go to ‘regular’ classes which would be fine, except he has dropped the ball on this, where he could have proven to the school and teachers that he was ready for full regular classes (by going to every class, working diligently, getting his work done and staying caught up) he chose to fight it and skip classes, not hand in work, take his time with assignments the school will mostly likely say no to his request -- as he has not proven that he is able to handle regular classes. 
Which will bring us back around to being treated like a child, missing classes, etc, etc, etc... tiredness, skipped meds, etc, etc ... which will inevitably bring us to another day (if we are lucky only one!) where he has had enough of it all (as his brain convinces him that we are all against him and trying to keep him here) and want to go. 
go anywhere
anywhere but here...
There is drama also with Josh and his gf... I cant even get into that...
I am so emotionally drained right now after this morning with kids then I get a phone call from someone in Dauphin where we thot we might be able to get some psychological and emotional help for Sam. We were told that Dauphin is not the place for us and I was given a few other numbers to try.  I am so tired of everyone passing us onto someone else. There MUST be somewhere for us to go with these issues! 

I am looking into a neuro feedback program for Sam-- but it is in Edmonton, it is costly and if he is not onboard... why bother!? To be honest I am scared to call in case I do and they say "there is nothing we can do for him here either". I am jsut trying to find somewhere for him to get help with his brain injury! Why is this so damn hard!? Good grief!  
How many phone calls do I have to make? How many people do I have to tell our story too and relive July 28, 2008 every damn time!? Then explain about Josh...and Isaac & Hannah!? I have to laugh when they say (cuz they all do) “and what about YOU Jodi!?” 
I want to say “WHAT about me!?” If I could get doctors to listen to me and get Sam some proper help maybe.... just MAYBE I COULD find time for me!
so not a good day today...


Anonymous said...

Loving you and truly understand. You are a strong, good and kind mom and WOMAN> Take a break, take a deep breathe and when you are ready, not until, make those calls you have to make. You are truly a visible angel for all of us who are walking your walk. Keep on walkin' girl. You will get to the right have it! The trick is to get them to understand that you do have it and listen to Mom. She has the answer. Good luck.

Marianne said...

I couldn't have said it better than Caregiver... ditto... (((hugs)))