I am tired of advocating
I am tired of phoning, emailing, reaching out to others only to be let down and ignored (well that is how it feels to me anyhow)
I am tired of watching out for everyone
I am tired of not having others to confide in about everything that is happening
I am tired of feeling so alone even in a house full of people
I have been working hard on getting stuff out there and trying to get some people to listen and possibly help me in some way.... but so far I have had a butt load of people tell me to send them emails with our story and pics of what I am doing and trying to do. I have had them tell me they will get back to me via emails, phone calls, meetings etc. and so far no one has. It is very discouraging and I am seriously tired. I didnt start this part of our life so that I could waste precious time with the rest of my family and friends to be treated like a nobody -- and that is how I feel. I have others emailing me wanting things that cost money that we dont have. I have people emailing me asking me to do more for THEIR cause but no help in return. I have learned to not share any information about the emails and calls I get... but then there is stress built up as I am the only one to deal with it all...
The past few years I have been very busy from Jan to June trying to spread awareness and help educating the public about brain injury awareness. This time has taken a toll on my family and I wonder if it will be worth it in the long run.
Dennis wants me to focus on one area of awareness- which I have been trying to do. My dad doesnt seem to know or care one way or another and Sam I think would honestly just like me to stop altogether.
I did not start with helping educate the public about brain injury for fame and fortune... I did it in hopes of bringing awareness to the public so that if someone finds themselves in the same spot I was in (with my dad, Dennis and Sam) that they would A. not feel so alone B. know that there is hope C. maybe have a bit of an idea where to start when it comes to looking for help or support
Have I bitten off more than I can chew?
Is it time to throw in the towel and admit defeat?
Maybe the time has come to walk away and let someone else take over?
I dont know what to do anymore....
1 comment:
Jodi, I have had to let go of something. I was asked once by a psychologist if I was going to make "this" my life's work. The answer then was "I don't know."
With my husband's brain injury, living with it, advocating for it, helping him, getting sick, etc etc etc...you know the list, I have had to let go and live. The work, the struggle, the brain injury are not going to disappear. But I can no longer try to educate or encourage or support others. I am walking next to my husband as his wife, all the rest, TBI included is part of our life now, as it is for your whole family. I wish there was a more positive answer. You need to rest and BE. The work will still be there but your perspective will change. I do not blog about it much, as you notice, talk about it much, share with others at support groups...they just bring me down. I do not read FB posts about it much. I am just trying to live. I know you are strong, but you also are an individual who has personal joyous needs. Bless you, and take care of yourself. Spring will refresh your spirit as life has a way of dooing. Love, Gin
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