One Hundred Posts-- Wow

This is my 100th post-- and I am just... wow, amazed. I never thought that this blog would  continue past our first month or two home (even though I knew the journey was going to be a long one) and here I am starting post 100 and we are 1 year, 4 months, 29 days  from Sam's accident and here I am... here we all are...Dancing on the outskirts of 'normal', tiptoe-ing through TBI issues and setting and surpassing goals along side of some areas of failure new learning.
I would love to say that things with our house are great and all is rosy, cheery and FAB-U-LOUS but I would be lying. Lying to myself and to others, so instead I am trying to stay 'real' (which is really code word for sane)
This new year for us will be starting with some backtracking. Sam will be going back to being home every Wednesday for rest. He is still suffering living with fatigue issues. ( I wont say suffering as I feel alot of days that it is ME that suffers when he gets fatigued ... ☺ smiling here or else I may cry)
This year will be one tht will be of small steps, no real leaps and bounds that I can foresee. But we will take any steps forward that we can get.
2010 will be the year where if all goes according to my plan our house in Neepawa will sell and we can get out of the major debt that this move to the new old farm house  has cost us (or win a lottery☺) and we will all be extremely healthy and happy............................................................. but I know it is all according to HIS plan and whatever He allows to cross into our lives we will take in stride and handle with as much grace and thankfulness as we can muster. I wish life was a novel that we could read the last few pages to see how it all ends but that just isnt the way it is. (if it ws I would return my book for a new one-- maybe one with one of those cruise ships on the front -- oh wait that is a travel magazine...lol)
The new year will find me on here once in a while. When things need to be updated or I need to vent, or for no other reason than for me to work out my frustrations of life on. I dont claim to be an expert or even a semi pro at anything except maybe on stress...LOL but you can all find me on here once in a while.
I wish my readers a Happy, Healthy New Year that is filled with all of God's Blessings!
I would like to post one question and even if you are usually  a 'lurker' on here...
Have you learned anything this past year with reading my blog? It can be about TBI, life or ANYTHING? PLease let me know if anything I have put on here has been helpful to you!

less than stellar ...

Some kids are so mean. Today Sam came home from school in a bad mood which transferred to his brother then me. There was a fight in the barn resulting in a bloody nose, yelling at me (and yes swearing was involved on his part), there was stomping of feet, and slamming of doors (well as best as they can be slammed in this house), threats of packing up and moving out  crying and more yelling and swearing.
I didnt handle it well. I was thinking that Sam was just being a teenager and it turned out to be more-- which I found out once I calmed down and came to the realization that this is not typical.(if you remember we have all been sick and yesterday and today were my turn...)
Anyhow, it turns out that there is a kid at school that has been harrassing Sam lately with a stupipd gesture. He has been calling to Sam in class, talking to him for a bit and then pretending to shoot himself in the head. He thinks it is a great joke. Today Sam was back at school fter being sick for 4.5 days and was still tired and feeling blah... and this kid started this again. There were a few other instances of just general teasing of Sam by some other kids and one kid (a boy in the grade above him) that chose today to PICK UP Sam and bounce him off the walls with his head in the change rooms in gym and Sam didnt tell the teacher.
We spoke to him about what to say to this boy who has been harrassing him for a while and decided that some appropriate responses would be "You wouldnt be able to hndle the recouperating if you had it happen to you." or if it is in class speak loud enough for the teacher to hear "You know (insert name here) people might think you are suicidal if you keep this up." Basically to put the spotlight on his behviour and take it off of Sam. We lso suggested to maybe get some friends to help back him up with this boy. Sam is also going to ask the teacher if he could move his seat so he is not close to him.
We also suggested for Sam to talk to the school counsellor if he is having a day that is too rough to handle. So that he has help immediately not having to wait til he gets home and takes it all out on us here.
I think too that we need to maybe start having him home one day a week again. It is all just so hard to know what to do. Are we babying him? Is he playing us?  It is hard to know since the doctors tell us it can be at least 2 years recouperating and stuff I have read about TBI say that  it can be 4, 5, 6 years -- some people fight this tiredness and fatigue all thier lives. So we need to work on something that will work for life not for now.
I really feel like a failure tonight. I didnt see this one coming and when it hit I handled it all wrong. I should have realized that there was something wrong with him when I picked them up at the bus. I am also hurt from the words that Sam yelled at me. After some of his les creative words and phrases, he told me he was packing and leaving... and stomped off. When I went and asked where he would go his reply was "Anywhere but here will be fine..." I dropped this ball and feel like dirt, but I know I need to not take it personally and know that I cant fix everything... but then I am the mom... knowing and fixing are my jobs

No change

Today I have not 1 not 2 but 3 home sick today! Josh is better and gone to school but Dennis, Sam and Isaac are all home and in bed sleeping. Still struggling with fevers with Sam and now Isaac... I hope things start making the swing upwards ... and we start getting healthy here. Dennis and I are supposed to go to Brandon to do Christmas shopping on Friday and I can see that I will be the sick one then!
Off to make chicken noodle soup and hand out ginger ale and water to my ill ones...

Small scare...

We have been sick here in the Ginter household and when I say 'we' I mean Dennis, Josh, Sam and now Isaac is getting sick too!
But last night we had a bit of a worry/scare. Sam's temperature didnt seem to want to come down after tylenol, 2 cool showers, and some ice... after a few hours we got him to a 'lukewarm' stage and I was able to not stress about it. If Sam's temperature gets too high or won't come down we are to take him to the hospital and if he gets any symptoms of the H1N1 we are to go in immeadiately. (no we are not taking the shots-- there is just not enough 'backup' on the vaccine for us to warrant injecting our children with it where as the Tamiflu has a proven track record...)
But we got his temperature down finally with a cool shower and ice on the back of his neck. When I went to check on him last night before bed he was still a bit warm but not hot like he was before, so we will have to see how he is this morning when he gets up. I didnt sleep too well last night as I was worried about him and Josh, so today there may  be a nap in my future!

Change of plans this morning... as Sam woke up he was still quite fevered so we took him into the hospital as a procaution. GOod news tho, no H1N1 for our house!!!! BUt he is sick and will be home for at least a day or two. Still have to watch the fever but I think with  few rest days he will be fine. whew...

Memory Lane...

I have been trying to get some gifts ready for the kids for Christmas (we are all making gifts this year as the $$ is a bit tight). I trying to make each of the gifts for the kids a gift filled with memories. Joshua will be getting a 16X20 frame with different pictures of himself and Dwayne (my step dad that passed away Sept '08). Dwayne was Joshua's mentor, his hero. It is not unusual to find Joshua at the computer going thru pictures of Dwayne and our family.

Samuel's gift will be a scrapbook that I started when he was in the hospital after his accident. It has photos of alot of the medical staff that worked on or with Sam along with notes of encouragement for him. There are also pictures and letters/notes from friends and family. I had sort of worked on it before but not to the extent that I have been this week. It has been very emotional, hard to see the pictures of him in the hospital. The pit of my stomach rolls, my eyes tear up... I can feel the anxiety and the stress of when we were in Winnipeg as if it were still happening to me. My chest gets tight, my heart pounds and I have cried many, many times over the book. I have added a pocket to the back of the book with cards from people, the news article that the local paper did on him in the spring, and a few other tidbits for Sammi. I am stuck on what I am going to do for Hannah and Isaac and to be honest I think I should have thought about (and did) theirs first and saved Josh's and Sam's gifts for last -- they are so emotional and I really didn't think that making these gifts was going to be this hard.

It has been a rough week ... month .. heck things here haven't gotten any less stressed for over a year ...actually but there are more to get through I guess ... right?

I have been struggling with updating on here for fear of it sounding like whining or something.Things have been 'fine' with Sam, my dad and others of the house... it has been more me. I have been having lots of anxiety attacks and in the oddest of placest and for no reason that I can see. It is exhausting. I am beat. I am drained. I am tired of it.
I am not sure if it is all just in my head or if I am needing to get away... or what. Between the house reno's, running kids, waiting for the sale of the old house, looking after my dad, my mom lives right across the road and seems to somedays forget that we have a life to try to get through (she asks for 'one small thing and the next minute it is an all day thing), and trying to lose weight... sigh
I can feel the heavy weight of depression kicking in and although I am fighting it -- I feel that I am losing the battle.
Is it possible to cancel Christmas this year and crawl into bed until it is all over?