Wednesday, December 9, 2009

less than stellar ...

Some kids are so mean. Today Sam came home from school in a bad mood which transferred to his brother then me. There was a fight in the barn resulting in a bloody nose, yelling at me (and yes swearing was involved on his part), there was stomping of feet, and slamming of doors (well as best as they can be slammed in this house), threats of packing up and moving out  crying and more yelling and swearing.
I didnt handle it well. I was thinking that Sam was just being a teenager and it turned out to be more-- which I found out once I calmed down and came to the realization that this is not typical.(if you remember we have all been sick and yesterday and today were my turn...)
Anyhow, it turns out that there is a kid at school that has been harrassing Sam lately with a stupipd gesture. He has been calling to Sam in class, talking to him for a bit and then pretending to shoot himself in the head. He thinks it is a great joke. Today Sam was back at school fter being sick for 4.5 days and was still tired and feeling blah... and this kid started this again. There were a few other instances of just general teasing of Sam by some other kids and one kid (a boy in the grade above him) that chose today to PICK UP Sam and bounce him off the walls with his head in the change rooms in gym and Sam didnt tell the teacher.
We spoke to him about what to say to this boy who has been harrassing him for a while and decided that some appropriate responses would be "You wouldnt be able to hndle the recouperating if you had it happen to you." or if it is in class speak loud enough for the teacher to hear "You know (insert name here) people might think you are suicidal if you keep this up." Basically to put the spotlight on his behviour and take it off of Sam. We lso suggested to maybe get some friends to help back him up with this boy. Sam is also going to ask the teacher if he could move his seat so he is not close to him.
We also suggested for Sam to talk to the school counsellor if he is having a day that is too rough to handle. So that he has help immediately not having to wait til he gets home and takes it all out on us here.
I think too that we need to maybe start having him home one day a week again. It is all just so hard to know what to do. Are we babying him? Is he playing us?  It is hard to know since the doctors tell us it can be at least 2 years recouperating and stuff I have read about TBI say that  it can be 4, 5, 6 years -- some people fight this tiredness and fatigue all thier lives. So we need to work on something that will work for life not for now.
I really feel like a failure tonight. I didnt see this one coming and when it hit I handled it all wrong. I should have realized that there was something wrong with him when I picked them up at the bus. I am also hurt from the words that Sam yelled at me. After some of his les creative words and phrases, he told me he was packing and leaving... and stomped off. When I went and asked where he would go his reply was "Anywhere but here will be fine..." I dropped this ball and feel like dirt, but I know I need to not take it personally and know that I cant fix everything... but then I am the mom... knowing and fixing are my jobs


JerriLynn said...

Jodi, you are a GREAT mom. none of us gets it right every time all the time. we all have our times of feeling like "if only". brush yourself off, and treat yourself like you would a good friend. what would you say to your best friend if they shared this with you? how would you treat them? would you tell them they suck and should just give it up? NOPE, you would tell them that it will be OK and help to pick up the pieces and move forward. so put down the bat. it serves no purpose. I love you!

Howard and Kay said...

Would I like to sit in that classroom! Sam is amazing, he has come so far, we all have bad days, I pray for you all tomorrow is a better one and everyday after that, and you gave Sam very good advise, I think, and I will have a chat with my boys, They might have some idea's how to help too, been as they are probably in the same classroom some of the time.
love you Loads
Kay Ann

Marianne said...

Jodi - Kids aren't born with manuals attached & you are NOT a mind reader. Your "reenactment" sounds like things that have gone on in my house! Oh I sure could tell you a few stories - yes, hindsight is 20/20 and I wish I had done some things different. Kids can be very mean but whose to say that kid wouldn't have picked on Sam even if he didn't have the accident? Kids have to learn how to deal with things - you can't pull him everytime he's having a bad day. The only way to learn how to deal with it IS to deal with it...and it sounds like you are on the right track with teacher, councillor etc.
Chin up! Your a GREAT mom and don't forget it!

Sue said...

Coming in a little late on this post. Hope things are better.