Saturday, August 27, 2011

Defying Gravity...

Last night Dennis and I took some time out of life to go and see the Broadway play WICKED. It was amazing! I loved it - Dennis enjoyed but I think LOVED might be too strong of wording for him.

I loved the words to the song Defying Gravity :

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I know these lyrics are about love but they spoke to me last night about all the changes that we as a family have been going thru the last few years and especially these last few months.
I am tired of playing games with rules that seem to be more from EVERYONE but THE ONE who matters.
I am tired of people who have no idea of what our house is going thru telling us what we should be doing...
I am taking my faith in God (trusting my instincts)
Closing my eyes and leaping -- straight into my Fathers arms.
I am going to work at handing it all to Him.
I am not going to worry about what is next or things I can not change. I need to start focusing on not just Sam's health but my own also. 
I saw the counselor  yesterday and I am going to work on getting the attic area back to a place for me to be to just be ... well ... me. Somewhere for me to be where I DO NOT worry about Sam, Dennis, Josh, Ike or Hannah. Somewhere that I can read, work on photography or just do nothing for a few minutes a day. The kids will be that if I am up there they are not to bother me. I will give them a time of how long I will be up there for and when I come down (and only then) can they show, talk or whatever they needed to me. They also need to learn to go to Dennis for things too. They need to learn that while I may be mom that he is dad... we are one in the same for a lot of things.

I am talking with God too about whether I am to be going back to work -- I am handing it to Him.
I am praying about Sam's doctor appointments -- and any issues that arise ... I am handing it to Him.
I am looking into maybe taking a photography course for a few months this winter -- again I am praying about it and handing it to Him.
If Sam is to be home 1/2 days for a while, we are wondering how we are going to afford to not only drive to town everyday, still be involved with football and the other things that the kids are involved in-- I am handing it to Him.

Everyday I am going to spend time each morning with Him, and work my days so that I can spend some time each day doing something for me (and NOT just Curves or walking-- as that is for my physical health)
I knowI have said before that I should be doing all of this but now I am at the point where I HAVE to do this. I am losing ME in this process of doctors, appointments and life.

So this is me... Defying Gravity...

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