Tuesday, August 19, 2008

new name... same old blog

I changed the title of the blog because it struck me that this isnt just a journey for Sam, it is for the whole ginter family, me, dennis, sam, josh, ike and hannah.

i was reading my post from yesterday and realized that I have been making everything sound rosy and happy-happy-cheer-cheer... i think that i hav been doing that so i will feel better but i realize if i am not going to be honest about what is happening in our house then how will Sam ever be able to see how far he has come when he wants to look back. With saying that things are not horrible and unliveable but life is as it is - real- and i need to keep it all real here too.

Sam IS gaining strength and endurance everyday but we are noticing other things that cause us to go "hmm". His concentration level is not where it should be with a 12 (almost 13) year old boy. yesterday we were trying to explain to Sam about his energy and trying to use it in ways that will help him to get better and he started to do what any normal child would do - pick at scabs, and try to ignore the discussion- but he did it so intently and did not make any eye contact at all and barely would answer our questions. Then when we talked about him needing to work on his concentration and really put some effort into it so he could get ready for the school year. he suddenly could not keep a straight face and when we asked what was so funny he had a hard time talking (with out laughing) to tell us that he had suddenly wondered what dad would look like with a big red nose. I know that this sounds like it is goofy and trival to some but that is not Sam. Yes he was a goof off at times but he knew when the times were to be serious and take responsiblity. Yesterday wasnt the first time that this had happened either. He will suddenly start laughing at something when there is nothing to laugh at or at very simple (2yr old) humour.

He also is extremely quiet for himself. Sam is a very outgoing kinda guy. It is only 3 weeks so i am trying to not put too much presssure on him to see the old sam shine thru but there are times during my day that i really miss my son. I have so many questions for the doctor tomorrow and i know it will be a very emotional day for us all-- note to self... no makeup tomorrow :)...

With everything that has been hapening since we got home i have not yet been able to make appointments for the boys or our family for conselling. I know we need to do it , but some days it is just the one thing that keeps getting dropped to the bottom of the "TO DO" list.

Joshua seems to be fine with things but he is a 14yr old boy and he is his fathers son.. so i am betting that he is trying to not let us see if anything is bothering him so he doesnt stress us out. We figure that he saw the whole thing as it happened and has blocked it out. He says he saw the scope hit Sams head but that would have been before Sam's gun went off -- so he has some feel pretty traumatic things going on in his head. And one day something is going to happen and it is all going to come out.

Isaac is handling it well it seems too, but he is an introvert and will not talk until it gets so bad that he wont eat (and if my ike isnt eating-- it cant be good) but he is not one to talk about things either.

Hannah is a mother hen most of the time but then gets mad at someone for whatever reason.(no syrup for her waffles or she doesnt want to shower 2nd....)

So seeing all this i will have to see where we go for this counselling. Our family is in such shock still that no one is dealing with things and i am scared what will happen when we do... I think we all need to have a melt down together and let out all that we are feeling and build this family up from that point...

2 comments:

jellyarmsrme said...

Jodi - great big huge hugs and prayers for strength to you and your family, hon. Your honesty, faith and love are amazing and I wish there was something, anything, any of us could do to diminish the pain you're all in. Lots of love and prayers...and know we're all thinking of you.

Jenn (nomorejelly)

Antina said...

Thinking of you Jodi... Prayers for Sam's speedy recovery.
Hugs and lots of love.
Hang in there girlfriend.
We love you and miss you!

(Maybe some waterproof mascara is in order.) :)

Tina xoxo