ahh me nerves!!

I have just put the finishing bit on my 'bloggin' for Lash &Associates and I am nervous as all get out!
What if it isnt what they want?!
What if people think I am talking non-sense?!
What if NO ONE reads it!?
Well that last one I dont think will bother me too much because really who but me and a few people read my blather!? ☺

The last week has been just 'peachy' with Samuel. he has been going either a mile a minute or beating the heck outta someone ... and the language... sigh... we are now trying a new tactic. Swearing will result in loss of telephone privileges .. so we will see if that helps.
Honestly this whole 'relationship' thing with him is stressing him to no end. He just isn't ready for one I don't think. But how do you tell a teen that they can't!? Especially when we live 30miles from the school. We can take away phone and computer privileges but how do we control what happens at school during 8.30am-3.30pm? We have talked til we are blue in the face (and you would think that THAT alone would cause him to think things thru ...)
I know that this is normal for teens and blah blah blah but there is a difference. I am not going to go into details but when your child is stressed AND losing weight, not sleeping, mood swings that effect the entire house... its not good. I can hear some people saying "oh is THAT all!? that is just normal teen stuff" but TRUST ME on this one... there is more to it.
I was hoping to get started on some 'me things' in this new year ... and I know it is not even 2 weeks in) but so far I have been too stressed to really concentrate on it the way I was hoping. I can't seem to get my head into the right frame to even figure out seemingly simple creative issues (I have been trying to work on a watermark for my photos and a logo-- and how to put them on my photos)
but I am
just.
not.
there.
I need to get Sam into a better place first... but then I think if I keep putting my interests on hold will there be any interests there when I finally get the time!? Don't I need time for me to recharge so I can help all of the house better!?
I have to admit (and I feel like a real horrible daughter to say this) but the last 2 visits with my dad have been STRESSFUL for me and I have been glad to go home... I just want to be able to sit and cry on my dad's shoulder about everything that has happened in the last 2 years but I can't. He was who I used to tell everything to! And with it being Christmas my memories were filled with our last Christmas together and how excited he was to see and hold Sam. I couldn't pull myself out of that funk this year.
Maybe it IS more me right now but I can honestly say that I am feeling tired of being strong and being the one that helps everyone else out of their issues.
I think ...
it may be time to head back to counseling...