School has started and Sam went for 15 minutes on Wed. just to see his friends and for them to see him, to get a bit of work to start on until the tutor is available to come and start school work (which hopefully will be on Monday).Sam was very happy to see the kids at school and i was so proud of one friend that greeted Sammi at the school door with a big hug! (Thanks Tiff!) I found it incredibly hard to stand off and not hover over Sam and the kids while he maneuvered thru the crowds of the halls and the classrooms! I wanted to follow him and make sure everyone gave him a wide berth... but i didn't. I wanted to tell everyone to back off be sure to be nice to my boy and no snide remarks and sideways glances at him... but i didn't. I wanted to take him home and place him in my invisible plastic bubble...but i didn't. He has to have his independence and freedom -- he IS 12 after all.("almost 13 mom!") and he has to learn to stand on his own (fully knowing that we are here for him if he does have to have someone who has is back) Then tonight we left him at cadets (after briefing the leaders about what to watch for if he gets tired and if his social skills start declining). I found that extremely hard to do-- leave him in a room full of hyper teens... "normality is good... just breathe and walk out the door, Jodi."(breathe... in and don't forget to let it out!)
Dennis and i were "counseled" by the counselor (well duh!) that we need to find time to do things together. Not as easy as it sounds or as easy as some people seem to think it is. First-- have you ever tried to find a "sitter" (for lack of a better word)to stay with your 14 and 12 yr olds!? These are kids who were, until recently, babysitters themselves!
It isn't easy to find the 'sitter' that is able to fully understand about seizures and what can and cannot happen (We have grown used the ever so NOW popular "well he looks fine to me type-phrase [ and what they really want to say i am sure is "stop babying the boy"].
Secondly, it is also not so easy to convince the kids that they aren't being "babysat". Now, you can tell them all the stories and explanations that you want but there is still that look of "give me a break" that makes you want to cry, stay home or lock them in their rooms -- either way-- none of these are actions that will end in a nice relaxing night out! SO once all this is accomplished-- who really wants to go out and try to relax? (FYI-It was way easier when the kids were younger (doing this the first time around) and getting someone to come in and watch them -- back when they were cute and sassy. Now they are all just plain sassy... lol
Today was just another reminder that people that don't always understand what occurs with TBI survivors. They tend to look at the outside of the person and the family and see "all is well". Not realizing that there is alot going on beneath the surface-- stuff that we as a family will see but not noticeable to the outsider's eye.
I am not trying to whine or look for sympathy or anything... just informing people. Tonight Dennis may have hit the nail on the head when i told him that i wished (sometimes) that we were still in Wpg at the hospital because there it was far easier to deal with things because everyone there seemed to understand that this is all a learning process for us ALL(no long -- or short-- explanations of things) . Dennis said "maybe we are going thru this so that we can help someone else to get thru it in the future or possibly right now" (and of course we dont know it!) If this is a plan of God's (and i doubt we will ever really know) I believe like Mother Theresa said "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."
Today was one of those days, it seems, that just passes you by and at the end of the night you are left sitting there in bed wondering" Did i manage accomplish anything today? Did i manage to make it thru another day unscathed by the remarks of others? Did i pass on any words of kindness or love to anyone if they were brusque, rude or snide? Did i brush my hair!?"
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